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This weekend a pimp tried to sue Nike because he was wearing Jordans while he kicked someone's head in.

Torture Repercussions
BRITISH POLITICIANS HAVE BEEN TARGETED OVER WAR CRIMES IN IRAQ 
Some human rights lawyers want them to answer for the abuse and death of people held by the British army  

Former defence secretary Geoff Hoon – one of the figures named by human rights lawyers – with former US secretary of defence Donald Rumsfeld. (Photo via)

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Human rights lawyers have filed a complaint with the international criminal court (ICC), accusing British forces in Iraq of abusing and killing detainees in their custody.

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The report, which details the cases of more than 400 Iraqis, calls for an investigation into an array of alleged incidents, including sexual assault, electric shocks, mock executions, "cultural and religious humiliation" and threats of rape, death and torture.

According to The Independent, a number of British politicians and generals – including head of the army General Sir Peter Wall, ex-defence secretary Geoff Hoon and former defence minister Adam Ingram – are named in the 250-page dossier, accused of bearing "the greatest responsibility" for the alleged war crimes.

Unsurprisingly, the Ministry of Defence aren't that into the idea of a bunch of international human rights lawyers muscling in on their business, and have insisted that all the incidents have been or are currently being examined in Britain.

"As such, further action through the ICC is unnecessary when the issues and allegations are already known to the UK government, action is in hand and the UK courts have already issued judgments," a spokesman said.

Political Roadblocks
THAI PROTESTERS HAVE BEGUN THEIR "SHUTDOWN" OF BANGKOK
Thousands of anti-government protesters are expected to rally in the capital later today 

Protesters in Bangkok (Photo by George Henton)

Anti-government protesters in Bangkok have begun blockading major intersections for a planned "shutdown" of the capital.

Later today, thousands of those protesters – led by former deputy premier Suthep Thaugsuban – are expected to rally at seven sites in the city, potentially paralysing traffic and forcing schools and universities to close.

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The shutdown is the latest action by demonstrators hoping to replace what they believe to be a corrupt government – run by Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra – with an unelected people's council.

"Career politician" Thaugsuban has vowed that the rally will not be violent, but that hasn't soothed fears on the ground, with businesses grounding employees and embassies worried about a return to the deadly violence of the 2010 Bangkok riots.

Army commander General Prayuth Chan-ocha has not ruled out the chance of a military coup, but observers are unsure if it will come to that, with political scientist Thitinan Pongsudhirak saying: "The army is fighting tooth and nail from intervening and rolling out the tanks. So short of a direct army intervention, something is likely to give in the coming days, because the deadlock will intensify and become unbearable, untenable."

Policing the Police
A BUNCH OF EXTRA MONEY HAS BEEN ALLOCATED TO INSPECT CRIME FIGURES
£9.4 million more will be spent after senior police officers admitted statistics are routinely fiddled

A swarm of enthusiastic police officers in Bristol (Photo by Henry Langston)

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The HM Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIoC) – the body responsible for inspecting Britain's police forces – will receive an extra £9.4 million to study core policing, which includes crime recording, after senior officers admitted that statistics are routinely fiddled.

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Police chiefs have told MPs that serious offences like rape and child abuse were "disappearing in a puff of smoke" because of manipulated figures, and forces have been accused of downgrading the nature of crimes or completely deleting them from their data – which obviously doesn't do wonders for the image of police integrity.

The HMIoC will publish a report uncovering some of the strategies police have used to make it look like crimes rates are down, and the Home Office will change how police report clear-up rates to stop them from "chasing targets to gain easy detections" or not recording crimes they couldn't solve.

Optimistic Lawsuits
A PIMP IS SUING NIKE BECAUSE HIS JORDANS GOT HIM 100 YEARS IN JAIL
In that he used them to repeatedly stomp on someone's head

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Sirgiorgiro Clardy, a pimp from Portland, is suing Nike after being sentenced to 100 years in jail for beating a man while wearing Air Jordans.

Clardy was found guilty of second-degree assault with a dangerous weapon – his Jordans – after attacking a john who had tried to leave a hotel without paying one of his prostitutes.

The 26-year-old claims Nike should have put a label in his shoe warning him that they could be used as a dangerous weapon, and has asked a judge to order Nike to attach warning labels to all their "potentially dangerous Nike and Jordan merchandise".

Clardy filed his lawsuit last week. Without wanting to speculate too wildly, it's pretty unlikely he'll win.

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More Lawsuits
A DIVORCEE TRIED TO SUE HER DIVORCE LAWYER FOR TERMINATING HER MARRIAGE
To be fair, the meaning of "divorce" has never really been that clear 

(Photo via)

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This week, spare a thought for Jane Mulcahy, the British woman who tried to sue her divorce lawyers for allegedly not making it clear that a divorce would legally end her marriage.

Mulcahy, a Roman Catholic, had apparently wanted to avoid terminating her marriage with the divorce and tried to sue her lawyers for professional negligence, claiming they should have recommended judicial separation – one step below divorce – as an alternative.

Divorce is a notoriously tricky concept to define, with the majority of the world's married population living under the misconception that it's just something you shout at a spouse at the end of an argument. But it's not – it's a real legal thing with real legal consequences.

Despite the fact Mulcahy's wrongful divorce was 100 percent her lawyers' fault, her appeal was dismissed :(