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Girl Eats Food - Hippy Johnny's Chocolate Brownies

Real men eat their drugs.

Cooking dope isn’t exactly revolutionary, but it does make a welcome change to spliffs. It will make your home smell of baking rather than stale fags, benefit fraud, Alan Partridge DVDS and conspiracy theory. Plus, they are potent as shit. Plus, I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure that eating brownies doesn’t give you lung cancer. Did you ever hear about how if you have lung cancer sometimes the tumour can eat through your stomach lining so you end up puking your own turd. Stressful right? I bet you want to get high now. Hippy Johnny's Chocolate Brownies


You always think potheads are going to be adorable scamps who you’d let eat Cheetos off your thighs while discussing how big the universe is, when in reality most are paranoid-schizophrenia case studies with a chip on their shoulder. So for your own peace of mind, keep the stoners out of the kitchen. As long as you aim for an ounce of weed to every pound of butter you’ll get suitably baked. More than that, and you’ll probably end up really miserable.

Ingredients For the Canna-Butter:
- Around 4 parts water to 1 unsalted butter
- 1 x big bag of drugs For the Brownies:
- 5oz canna-butter
- 7oz posh chocolate
- 7oz brown sugar
- 2 x tsp vanilla extract
- 3 x eggs
- 3oz plain flour Step 1.

Bring your butter and water to the boil till you have a yellowy goop, then turn the heat right down.

Step 2.

Grind your bud up as finely as possible, using one of these crappy drug yo-yos.

Step 3.

Dump all your skunk into the goop and let it simmer for a good few hours. If you hover above the pan, you can get high off the weed steam, which sounds like the kind of expensive holistic therapy Chris Martin would tweet about.

Step 4.

Once it stops looking like Chicken Kiev filling and starts looking like pond scum, you’re good to take it off the heat.

Step 5.

Pour into a container to cool. I couldn’t be fucked to strain it, but you’re welcome to dry that soggy shit out and smoke any life left in it.


Step 6.

See that tiny layer of fatty shit solidifying on top? That’s your gold dust. Step 7.

Druggy butter scum skimmed off, you can start the brownies. Melt the canna-butter in a bowl over a pan of hot water with the posh chocolate. Once gooey, beat in the rest of the ingredients. Look, how many times do I have to tell you? No food looks nice half-way through a recipe.

Step 8.

Slop the silky chocolate goo into a lined dish.

Step 9.

Throw in some chocolate drops as well, why don’t you? Go batshit; you deserve it.

Step 10.

Bake on 160c for half an hour.

There you have it, picture perfect brownies stuffed with dope. I road-tested mine on my mother as a control subject. While they took their time to kick in, after about two hours she was laughing hysterically at the paternity tests on Maury before passing out in her armchair. A success all round.




Previously: Girl Eats Food - Lazy Chicken Wangz

Really fucking hungry? Check out Joanna Fuertes-Knight's (totally free) online cookbook! It's got every Girl Eats Food recipe ever in it.