It's time, once again, to marvel at some idiots who don't know how to handle the world:
Cry-Baby #1: Merv Mitchell and an unnamed imam
Images via Google Maps and Philadelphia Police Department
The incident: A man allegedly stole some money from a mosque.
The appropriate response: Calling the police.
The actual response: Two people tried to cut off the accused thief's hands.
Earlier this month, an unnamed 46-year-old man arrived at the Al-Masjid Ur-Razzaq Ul-Karim mosque in Overbrook, Pennsylvania for the morning prayer service.
According to police, as the man was leaving the building, he was approached by Merv Mitchell, the mosque's emir, and the mosque's imam, who has not been named.
Merv and the imam are said to have confronted the alleged thief, accusing him of stealing jars of money from the mosque. CBS Philadelphia reports that the two men then dragged him down a set of steps into the building's back yard.
Once in the back yard the men allegedly pinned the victim down and held his arm against a log.
"One of the offenders grabbed a machete from inside the mosque and struck the victim near his wrist," Lt. John Walker, of Southwest Detectives told Philly.com. "The blade cut through some of his tendons."
They stopped the attack before cutting all the way through the man's wrist. He was treated at a nearby hospital and released the same day.
Merv was arrested and charged with aggravated assault, simple assault and "related offenses." According to Philly.com, Merv has an extensive criminal history, with previous convictions including robbery, theft, burglary (which all kinda seem like the same thing?) and carrying a firearm without a license.
The mosque's imam is yet to be arrested.
Cry-Baby #2: Nigel Sykes
Pizza image via Wikimedia Commons
The incident: A man got beaten up while attempting to rob a pizzeria at gunpoint.
The appropriate response: Nothing. That's an expected outcome when robbing people at gunpoint.
The actual response: He's suing the people he tried to rob.
Nigel Sykes is currently in prison serving a 15-year term for his involvement in a series of armed robberies.
One of those robberies took place in a Newport, Delaware pizzeria called Seasons Pizza back in 2010.
After entering the pizzeria through the back door, Nigel flashed a revolver to a delivery driver, who gave him $140. He then went further into the restaurant, where he was restrained by two employees. As he struggled with the employees, he fired his gun. The bullet didn't hit anyone.
"That is when the assault began," wrote Nigel in his suit. "All of the Season's Pizza employees participated in punching, kicking and pouring hot soup over my body. I was unarmed and defenseless and had to suffer a brutal beating by all of the employees of Seasons Pizza."
Nigel then claims that he blacked out and, when he regained consciousness, was being tazed by two officers from Newport Police Department. He also claims that officers used a racial slur against him, slammed his head into the hood of a police car, and denied him medical treatment for 8 hours. Which actually sounds like a legitimate complaint that should be looked into.
Nigel is asking for $20,000 from six separate Seasons Pizza employees, $20,000 from each of the two arresting officers and $100,000 from the owners of Seasons Pizza. He has tried to file several lawsuits against the police department and the pizzeria in the past. All of these claims have been thrown out by US District Judge Sue L. Robinson, but she has allowed this suit to move forward.
"It's a joke lawsuit," said Newport police chief Michael Capriglione. "It is sad to see this kind of suit being looked at. The court shouldn't waste the taxpayers' money."
Which of these guys is the bigger cry-baby? Let us know in this poll down here:
Who is the bigger cry-baby?
Winner: Kanye, unsurprisingly.
Follow Jamie Lee Curtis Taete on Twitter