If you were away from the Internet all weekend, you may have missed that Ray J released a new single. It’s called “I Hit It First” and the art is a pixelated version of a recent photo of Kim Kardashian. Trife!

This would be sad as hell and time for another serious conversation about gender dynamics if Kim K hadn’t lapped Ray four or five times in the game of life since he smashed. While his moment in the shade of her gigantic ass defines him, she turned her whole family into household names. She looks to be starting a family with one of the most talented musicians of our generation, while Ray was last seen hollering at Whitney (RIP), possibly for reality TV exposure. And so “I Hit It First” is a moment for us to laugh at Ray J’s hubris. Dude is R&B game Zapp Brannigan and Kim would not like any champaggin.

So while Kim is off doing whatever it is rich attractive people do all day and more or less ignoring “I Hit It First,” let’s imagine if Kim was younger and really into Tumblr. How might she respond? Here’s some possibilities!

THE OBVIOUS

THE GUILT BY ASSOCIATION

THE YOU AINT THAT SPECIAL

THE LET’S BE FAIR HERE

THE OBLIGATORY YOUNG BERG REFERENCE:

THE COLDEST:

#TREATED

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