This fine April morning I sat down with my dear colleagues to discuss the stories we wanted to work on for the rest of the day. Everyone had good ideas—there were going to be articles about music, politics, and fashion. It felt like solid, ordinary stuff.
But then a bolt of electricity shot through my brain. I felt my synapses fire in such a way: something brilliant crystallised in my mind. I don't want to sound arrogant, but I value honesty. So I'm going to come out and say it: I had come up with the perfect article.
We were going to give our coworkers 10 minutes to make bongs with whatever supplies they could find in the office. And then we would ask them what they were doing with their lives. So we did. Happy 420 everybody.
What kind of bong did you make?
I created the Crunchy Nut Cone 2.0.
What office supplies did you use?
This is just empty food and drink containers found in the kitchen. I used a 1.25L bottle of Lemonade, a Crunchy Nut Cornflakes box, and lots of duct tape.
Are you proud of what you've created?
Yes, I am. My parents have always prided themselves on being organised, so I made sure to do the same today. My bong comes complete with snacks, so you can immediately satisfy the munchies, post-blazing.
BEN, ART DIRECTOR
Ben, you've just got a knife. How do you smoke weed with that?
Well firstly, you just make sure it's not your own knife, and you heat it up on an oven that you also don't own, then you put the weed on the hot knife.
Breathe it in through half of a cut-off coke bottle and then pass out to the worst Mars Volta album. It's popular where I'm from—New Zealand. We call it dots, or doing dots.
How is this better than smoking a bong?
I think it's probably just the most economical and fairest way to share weed, because you can see exactly how much each person gets and nothing is wasted.
Renee... Do you actually know how to make a bong?
No I don't, this is the first time I've made a bong.
Would you call this a success?
I would say it's a pretty good bong. Although it needs to be tried out to see if it works, that's the real test.
I don't know if it would. What's the best way to smoke weed?
Well, I don't really smoke weed. Maybe a joint?
ANDREW, VIDEO DIRECTOR
This looks serious, Andrew. What kind of bong did you make?
Not sure. It was sponsored by Australia Post though.
Is this the greatest one you've ever made?
Can you actually smoke out of it?
I haven't tried it yet. The biggest issue will be longevity because I think the cardboard will get soggy.
MADDISON, ASSISTANT EDITOR
Maddison, this is not a bong.
Bongs are gross. I made a chillum!
You literally just whittled a carrot?
Yep, simple. Elegant. And zero waste if you eat the carrot after you smoke it.
Would you parents be proud of you today?
Definitely. They are big fans of arts and crafts.
IZZY, STAFF WRITER
Don't tell me that's a bottle of coconut water.
Yeah, it is. Dark. The stem is the cover of an old issue of VICE.
Can you actually smoke out of it?
Yeah, I think you could pretty easily.
What did you kind of bong did you make, Simon?
I call it "The Midnight Snack."
Does the hummus affect the taste?
No, but the stale food kept inside the empty container has made me physically ill.
Advice for the bong makers out there inspired by the VICE Australia bong challenge?
Don't make bongs, kids. Be responsible and vape.
Isabelle likes to smoke on Twitter. Follow her.