IN CINEMAS: HOWL
It’s all very well James Franco staying true to his roots and doing loads of indie films alongside all the worthy Oscar bait and broad Japatow comedies, but that’s no excuse for starring in this painfully shit biopic from documentary directors (and it shows) Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman. It’s an ‘experimental’ biopic, which gives them license to stick all manner of crap where it doesn’t belong: there’s a black and white poetry reading, a good vs. evil legal drama, a homoerotic love story and – at the film’s lowest ebb – half an hour of animation that wouldn’t make the front page of Vimeo.
IN CINEMAS: DRIVE ANGRY 3D
We all know Nic Cage has made some bad movies in the last decade; it was just a fact of life until Drive Angry (or Drive Angry 3D depending on which poster you believe) came along and wrecked the grade boundary. Directly targeting your average Aint It Cool devotee, who would probably happily classify it as “a genre homage” or “a retrograde experiment” or whatever other phrases Tarantino used to excuse being rubbish, Drive Angry is so fucking dreadful that you yearn for the simple, sincere awfulness of something like National Treasure.
KATE HUDSON HAS MADE A FILM ABOUT A WEDDING, IN OTHER NEWS: WEDNESDAY STILL FOLLOWS TUESDAY
Starring Kate Hudson alongside a toddler’s head with a woman’s body (Ginnifer Goodwin), Something Borrowed continues the recent romcom formula of two female leads fighting over one completely characterless auxiliary male (here played by the mighty Colin Egglesfield) while a popular comedy actor (John Krasinski) desperately attempts to bring the LOLs in the margins. Looks like we’re in for another 27 Dresses, huzzah.
$65 MILLION SPIDER-MAN MUSICAL STILL CRAP
The most expensive Broadway production of all time, Spider-man: Turn Off The Dark, is now being re-written less than a month before its scheduled premiere after reviews declared it to be several times worse than 9/11. The U2 score is also being improved (if such a thing is possible) by producer Steve Lillywhite. Meanwhile, tickets continue to sell for upwards of $200, presumably to people who figure they might as well have the worst night of their life sooner rather than later.
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. CAST IN INHERENT VICE, IRONY SPOTTED BY EVERYONE
Billionaire heiress Megan Ellison all but saved auteur-de-jour Paul Thomas Anderson’s career last week when she agreed to fund both his perilous Scientology movie The Master (did I say Scientology? I meant an unrelated, fictional cult) and his upcoming Thomas Pynchon adaptation Inherent Vice. Now Robert Downey Jr. is said to be considering a leading role in the latter, as detective Doc Sportello. That’s if he can find the time between the next half dozen shit Marvel movies.