Hey Ron! - My bender wrecked my mum's fender

Tuesdays have an 80 percent chance of sucking, according to one informative mathematician in the office, and that’s precisely why we like to perk up the second crappiest day of the week with a little bit of Ron. Today’s plight was sent in by a young man who threw a party at his parents’ house when they were out of town and totaled his mother’s car in the process. Oops!

Hey Ron!

My parents are on vacation till next week, and they left me at the house to take care of things (I'm an 18-year-old high school senior). Anyway, I had a party last weekend and things got really, really out of hand. The place was trashed, and while I've cleaned most of it up but there's a bigger problem: At some point we ran out of booze and I thought it would be a good idea to take my mum's car on a beer run. Well it wasn't, and I ended up crashing the front end into a light post at the end of my road. They come back really soon. What the hell do I do?

You have to man up, for real. You’re 18 years old and this is what happened to you, so you have to deal with it. There are several reasons why you’re not going to get away with it, and the biggest one is that you had a bunch of teenagers partying in your house. You think that kind of news is not going to travel over stuff like IM, email, chat, and Twitter?

If the party was off the hook, like you said, somebody is telling somebody who is telling somebody. Once you realised you were out of booze, you should have stopped there. But you wanted to take it a step further, and you took your mum’s car. Haven’t you seen one of those movies where the kid takes the car and wrecks it? I guess you have and were expecting the superhero to come and pick up the car and fix it in three days for no money. Guess what, dude? This is the real world—that doesn't happen!

So now what are you going to do? You’re going to have to explain to your parents what happened. You can try to lie, but your going to have to lie to cover up that lie, to cover up that lie. If they’re not home yet, I’d send them a nice apology letter via email. That way it gives them a couple of days to calm down before they take your phone away, take your computer away and sell it, and tell you you're going to a community college. You don't want to be doing chores for the next nine years, so if I were you I’d really try to write them a nice, warm, apologetic letter with deep sincerity, and hope for the best.

If you’re not the writing type, you could call your dad and tell him to turn off his cell phone so you can leave him a voice message. You don't want to do it face-to-face because you’re going to hear a lot of screaming and yelling, and what you have to say is not going to get across. The important thing is to just say whatever you need to say like you mean it (even if you don’t)—send a messenger pigeon if you have to. Another option is leaving a handwritten letter at the house and going to stay at your grandma’s for a couple days. DO NOT tell them where you’re at, because your dad’s going to come over there and run you over. You need to give them some time to let it soak in.

Love,

Ron

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