Rogues & Upstarts

Over 160,000 poor, poor convicts were stuffed into the hulls of tall ships and transported from the Mother Land to Australia between 1788 and 1868, during what was, by all accounts, up there as one of the least fun centuries of all time. The voyage took around nine months, through rough ocean, in ultra crappy conditions. That is unless you had a nice set of pegs, or any other physical attributes with which to negotiate a more comfortable passage. Once on Australian soil, the convicts were put to work and lorded over by the English Redcoats, who were often drunk, exceptionally cruel and downright dodgy. And you don’t even have to imagine the impact this all had on the native Australians. It was in this climate though that more than a few responded with a resounding, “I don’t fucking think so.” You already know about Ned Kelly, but what about some of the others?

1763–1796 JOHN CAESAR AKA BLACK CAESAR
Of the records containing information about Black Caesar, most of them allude to his ravenous appetite. Yep, the guy is remembered for his extreme hunger. Which actually makes sense considering that he was a well-built, athletic West African slave with a knack for escaping to rival Houdini. Anyway, he was a petty thief and pickpocket sentenced to seven years transportation until he stole some bread and had the punishment upgraded to life. Fourteen days later, he stole some muskets and bolted into the bush where he startled the locals with his novel appearance. And so began the cycle of Caesar’s time as a convict. Once captured for the last time, he ended up on the dreaded Norfolk Island where he got hitched and had a child. On returning to the mainland he bolted again and led a tough gang in the Port Jackson area before eventually being shot dead.


1765–1794 MARY BRYANT AKA LUCKY MARY
Mary Bryant was one of very, very, very few original female convicts on the First Fleet. She was apparently an attractive girl with a feisty temperament who began her journey after being charged with assault and robbery and having her sentence reduced from death to seven years transportation. She had her first child en route and upon arriving in Australia, married a keen fisherman with whom she had another. They immediately began planning their escape and one night, after stealing a bunch of nautical charts, guns and tucker, Mary, her family and a few other convicts nicked the governor’s cutter and escaped on a 69-day epic voyage to Timor. Once there, they posed as shipwreck survivors and were taken in by the local colonists. Not long after however, the truth was leaked after one of the convicts got drunk and bragged about their trek. The lot of them were consequently sentenced to death. On the journey back to England, both Mary’s children and her husband died and a few of the other convicts fell overboard. When she arrived in London, her story spread and she immediately shot to folk hero status. Lucky Mary was ultimately pardoned and lived out her life in the English countryside.


1806–1830 BOLD JACK DONOHUE AKA THE WILD COLONIAL BOY
This young Irishman was transported for life in 1823 but within two years of his arrival, he pissed off with a couple of mates to rob a few bullock-drays. He and his mates were, as was evidently popular, sentenced to death but somewhere in between the pen and the gallows he managed to escape again (although his mates weren’t so lucky). Over the next few years Jack became the most celebrated bushranger in Australia, plundering near and far and right royally getting up the establishment’s nose. They put out a massive reward of 20 pounds for Jack’s life and he was eventually killed with a bullet to the head. Oh yeah there’s a song about him too.


1750–1802 PEMULWUY
Pemulwuy was an Aboriginal warrior who was described as “a most active enemy to the settlers”. He came from Botany Bay and took it upon himself to lead a series of raids on settlements for food, ammunition and revenge over various acts of misconduct. Pemulwuy’s capture was highly sought and he was eventually slowed, ironically, by the convict Black Caesar, receiving seven pieces of buckshot to his head and body. Pemulwuy was taken to hospital, where he was chained by his ankle. After a speedy recovery he managed to escape, which led his people to believe that he was bulletproof. Thus, Pemulwuy became the unquestioned leader of the pack and his raids become more and more frequent. Unfortunately his friends were eventually proven wrong when Pemulwuy was shot dead in 1802. His head was chopped off, put in a jar and sent on a ship to England to be studied by Banks. Unfortunately, his head never turned up and hasn’t been seen since.


1780–1856 WILLIAM BUCKLEY
William Buckley was a big bastard, standing at 6ft 6inches. He was sentenced to transportation for life for receiving stolen goods but once tired of lugging rock, ran off into the bush with a few fellow cons. Not long after this, his colony disbanded for Van Diemen’s Land, leaving William stranded. Along the way he lost (or ate) his companions and after some time, cold and hungry, he spotted the body of a dead Aborigine high up in a tree, wrapped in a possum skin cloak as was the local custom. Buckley claimed the cloak and the man’s weapons, and eventually stumbled upon a tribe who took him to be the spirit of their dead buddy. He was given the other man’s wives and lived with the tribe for 32 years. One day he heard news of an English ship, right near what is now Melbourne, and wandered out of the scrub to their utter amazement. He ultimately left the tribe, moved to Hobart, sold his story and married an English woman half his height. It is from this man that we get the sayings, “Buckley’s chance” and “You’ve got Buckley’s”.