The Hangover News

POLY STYRENE DIED AND EVERYONE MISSES HER

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Poly Styrene has died of cancer at the age of 53.

The X-Ray Spex frontwoman, real name Marian Joan Elliot-Said, revealed that she was suffering from the Big C in February this year.

You can find endless and deserved Twitter tributes here.

A GUY IN A WHEELCHAIR INVADED A FOOTBALL PITCH

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Derry Felton is an 18-year-old quadriplegic guy who, according to The Sun, needs “round-the-clock” care, (I’m not sure if they’re just exaggerating the extent of his condition to make the story better).

Anyway, Derry somehow managed to get his electric wheelchair out onto the pitch after his local club Northampton Town scored an injury time equaliser against Rotherham on Friday.

Northampton have had a shit season and are currently in the relegation zone, so you can understand his excitement.

The stewards didn’t bundle him to the ground and the club aren’t planning to prosecute him either, which is nice.

LOADS OF KIDS SAW A HUMAN CANNONBALL DIE

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A stuntman was fired 50ft into the air, but his safety net was attached to the cannon and the recoil from the blast shook it loose.

No one’s sure of the poor guy’s full name yet, but apparently he was known in the biz as “Matt the Manx Crank”.

The families at Scott May’s Daredevil Stunt Show in Kent weren’t initially sure if it was “part of the show” or not, but the 23-year-old landed on his head and had blood pouring out of his mouth – telltale signs of death.

More than 30 humans have died in England since they first decided to fire themselves out of cannons in the 1870s.

A GUY CALLED GERALD’S GONNA DIE ON TV

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A man’s last breath will be broadcast on BBC1 next month.

It’s cool, though, it’s not been specially arranged, 84-year-old Gerald was dying already.

The cancer sufferer passed away at home surrounded by his family on the 1st of January after vowing to see in the new year.

He gave his full consent to the broadcast.

ONE GUANTANAMO FINK RATTED OUT 123 OTHER PRISONERS

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Described as a “star informer” by The Guardian, Mohammed Basardah basically told on a shitload of his prison buddies in order to GTFO of Guantanamo.

I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same thing if I was having my sanity systematically waterboarded out of me, but lawyers representing those prisoners Basardah incriminated reckon he was talking shit.

The implication is that the US military were happy to believe anything Basardah said if it meant they could let one human being go free and prosecute 123 others.

The Guardian gleaned the information from one of 759 individual dossiers they somehow wound up in possession of.

A SUPERMARKET IN NEW ZEALAND OPENED WITHOUT ANY STAFF

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A computer glitch automatically opened the doors at 8am on Good Friday morning. A few people paid for their food, a few people didn’t.

The guy who runs it was pretty angry at first but now he just think it’s funny. He does seem mildly concerned, however, that the publicity is making him “look a bit of a dickhead”.

Apparently Dale Winton was there complimenting people on their haircuts and feigning interest in their low-level jobs in the civil service.

MAC HACKETT