In the week the Premier League returns, we got actor, die-hard QPR fan and sporting montage obsessive Henry Lloyd Hughes to talk us through the polygamous marriage between sport, music and super-fast editing and their brilliant bastard child – the montage.
When I sleep, I dream in sport. My exploits are rarely uneventful. I’m not the ball boy. Or a left back having a quiet afternoon in League Two before popping home for a Sunday roast. I’m replicating Trevor Sinclair’s overhead kick – AKA The Best Goal Of All Time – or taking a diving catch to win the Ashes, and save England’s pride. But I don’t dream like normal people. I dream in glossy, high-definition, sporting greatness. Tears of ecstasy pour down my face, with all of their Mo captured in Slo. Essentially, I dream in montage. Something that was once confined to filling the 25 seconds between the end of a sporting program, and something else on BBC, but is now a genre in itself.
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In days of yore (the 90s), a controversial red card or deflected goal would appear fleetingly on Grandstand, left open to debate in beer gardens across the land. But now, the debate is garnished with vivid, compelling and rewindable footage, all set to the biggest backing track that the programme’s budget could afford.
The tipping point for all of this was the Olympics. Each day birthed a new helping of sobbing athletes collapsing in rapture, having exhausted themselves from an event that everyone else had only heard about fifteen minutes prior to broadcast. Then, at the end, a montage would play, reminding everyone how great Great Britain’s athletes were. Now, in the post-Olympics world, many televised sporting events squeeze in mini montages before advert breaks, acting as an appetiser for the main course montage that will come when the final whistle blows. This emerging artform – yes, it is an art – is going from strength to strength, and I’m going to go through some of my personal highlights.
Andy Murray Wins Wimbledon (And Saves British Pride!)
Song: What If – Alistair Griffin
It’s good that Andy won Wimbledon this year because any later, and the Scottish Referendum may declare him no longer a patron of Great Britain. For now though, we can all revel in his success. Ever since Murray lost the Wimbledon final in 2012, his moody scotch-eyes – seemingly saying ‘don’t love me, ever’ – have been montage gold. In the above video, his face is drenched in emotional subtext, combined with a ballad that that sounds like every musical made for mothers, sealing the deal for ultimate montage ever. When he hits himself on the wrist with his racket, it looks like it really hurts. Does it Andy? Does it?
England Lose To Italy On Penalties in 2012 (And Kill British Pride!)
Song: In The End – Us
Penalties. England. And losing. They’re all words that are as synonymous in the national vocabulary as “bacon” and “hangover”, or “can I crash at yours?” and “morning after pill”. At this point in footballing history, to even mention the word penalty is to assume that England have lost, and the only questions left to answer are: what previously stoic player will perform that Harikiri? And which terrifying ethereal orphan will cover a Linkin Park song in the end credits.
Brian Blessed and his Battle Cry For England, 2010
Monologue from Henry V by William Shakespeare
The only solace I find in watching this is knowing that if he’d acted as performance coach for the England 2010 team, we would have at least given better excuses to Gabriel Clarke in the post-failure interview.
Olympics Closing Montage, 2012
Imagine – Emeli Sandé
The Olympics Closing montage was a total game changer, mostly on the part of Sandé, who is basically the Pelé of montage soundtrackers. They also both share an accent above the e, which is cute. Anyway, Sandé, did the business on London’s finest hour since the Blitz.
Loftus Road Pre-Match Build Up
Fix You – Coldplay
No one wants to hear another biased account of how miserable it is to support your local club. But no one wants to hear a new Ellie Goulding single either but she just keeps releasing them. Each time I watch QPR, I ruminate on how life as a QPR fan could be simpler. Supporting them is a formidable task, worthy of both ridicule and extensive loss. This montage of theirs is the one I’m most familiar with. And, it includes “Fix You”, a song so epic that it makes rooting around in a multipack to find the last pack of Prawn Cocktails after a hangover, seem like the moonlanding. As I feel a lump in my throat I think about how apt a song about fighting away tears is for a QPR supporter. Even our highlights reel feels like Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind. I remember the good times, but they’re shrouded in the heartbreak.
Italia 90 BBC Closing Montage
Song: Nessun Dorma – Luciano Pavarotti
This heritage clip is a benchmark for how a piece of musical composition can elevate sport. The inspired choice of Nessun’Dorma as the official World Cup song in 1990 would mean that even without Gazza’s tears every bit of footage would remain seeped in pathos for years to come.
If – World Cup 96
If by Rudyard Kipling
Another prime slice of Des Lynam, here. Once upon a time, he seemed immovable as the face and voice of TV Sport. As if to prove his colossal influence and legacy, here he is reciting Rudyard Kipling’s “If” to commemorate World Cup 98. His style is more akin to reading something at the Centoaph, pretty weighty, and seemingly unabridged. It’s as if Desmond argued with the BBC execs: “Listen. I want to go hardcore. No top and tailing bullshit. I want the full Rudyard”.
England In Union
Song: I Vow To Thee My Country
Annnnnnnnd, finally. A cautionary tale from the montage vaults that is best filed under When Good Montages Go Bad. Who doesn’t love the idea of England’s football, cricket and rugby teams united in one uber-montage to rule them all? Unfortunately, the result is a little jingoistic. Although, maybe I’m being a wimp, and IDK, just need to lock myself in a room and watch it a thousand times. Because that’s what made the ultimate montage film, The Tree of Life great, right?
Henry Lloyd Hughes is a proper actor. Follow him on Twitter: @MatineeIdle
