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Question Of The Day

What's the Worst Town You've Ever Been To?

"It’s a hole, a depraved hole of small-minded people and horrible architecture."

Welcome to Question of the Day. It gives interns something to do!

The United Kingdom of Great Britain; formerly one of the greatest empires that ever existed. Home to a Royal dynasty stretching back thousands of years and a host of resilient and virtuous people who have helped keep the global wheels of commerce turning in tough, modern times whilst contributing to a vast number of scientific and artistic triumphs that have written the glories of history.


Which is why it's surprising that a lot of it is shit. The UK has places that gave Dickens writer's block and skylines that made Blake vomit. Birds nests filled with maggots and foetal remains wait around every other corner. Come friendly fire in the sky, don't hold back now, we're only waiting for the end. Kill us now.

Well, that's what a guy in the park told me, anyway. Out of the many that they forgot to bomb, what's the worst town you've ever been to?

Natalia, 22, shopworker: Dover.

VICE: How was Dover?
Very cold.

Is that the only reason you didn’t like it?
No, it’s because someone left me alone there the whole night. What did you do to pass the time?
Wallowed in self-pity.

Fuck yeah.

Ricky, 22, advertising executive: Southend.

What’s so bad about it?
It’s grotty, stuck in the 80s and the people are unfriendly. So it’s full of dirty, boring people?
Yeah. What was the main attraction?
The pubs and the strip bars. Liam, 23, musician and director: Bognor Regis. Apart from its name, what was so bad about it?
Ah bruv, it was awful. We went to Butlins. There is nothing in Butlins. The rides are shit and the nightclub… don’t get me started. You went with your parents?
Yeah, I was like ten, 11, 12. How were the people?
A bunch of weirdos. What did you do?
Discos, after-school drawing lessons where you could go and draw pictures, but I’m like, "If I wanted to draw pictures I would stay at home."


Al, 30, tattooist and silversmith: Liverpool. Why Liverpool?
Ah, I can’t get into it. It’s just the most miserable place I have ever been too, everyone is so aggressive. Everyone’s tooled up man, they all breed specific dogs just to attack people. Their city is just full of mass ignorance. What were you doing there?
Staying at a friend's house. There’s nothing much to do and you can cover the whole city in half an hour. It was voted European capital of culture in 2008.
That’s just a money-making scheme to get people to go there and when they get there they are sorely disappointed. There is nothing to the place. Lorna, 21, nurse: Tooting. Thats not a town is it, it’s a part of London, but anyway, why didn’t you like it?
It wasn’t clean, full of dirt. How were the people?
Rude and obnoxious. Why were you in Tooting?
I had to work there for seven weeks.

Would you go back?
Never. What did you do for fun?
Travelled outside of Tooting. Chris, 30, video producer: Swindon. Why Swindon?
It’s a hole, a depraved hole of small-minded people and horrible architecture. Doesn't sound great.
No, and I was born there! I know the area well, if you live there, leave the first chance you get, otherwise you will be dragged down with the rest of them. What do people do for fun there?
Just drink, trying to forget the reality that is living in Swindon. Anne, 19, student (left) and Jade, 18, student. Anne: Blackpool. What was so bad about Blackpool?
It’s full of chavs, everyone wears tracksuits and there is no place to buy fresh fruit and vegetables. It was so bad… And all the people were fat. It was horrible. Sounds like there might be a correlation there.
We went to a theme park, though. That was OK.

Natasha, 22, fashion wholesaler: Newquay, only because I got off the bus at midnight and it was misty and it looked like one of those towns you would get murdered at. The beach was disappointing, too. So bad vibes as soon as you got off the bus?
Bad juju man, it was depressing. It was the middle of April and it was grey and full of old, fat and depressed people. Just… No… You will get murdered there. How were the people?
They hated their lives. What did you do while you were there?
I bought some doughnuts from Sainsbury’s and bought the first ticket back to London. What were the main attractions?
Crippling depression… and Sainsbury’s. Previously - Who Would Win World War III?