I am a woman in her mid-40s, in a same-sex relationship, suffering the same problem as many couples out there: The sex part has died. Absolutely everything else is wonderful. I work on Bay Street in Toronto—I am an extremely well-known figure in what I would describe as a very professional career path. I decided last year to start looking into escort services, and I've grown to love my time as a female client.
It didn't start off great, however. It took about six months of researching the market before I settled on my first booking. For example, there are many SPs (service providers) that are tailored toward men or heterosexual couples, but it's hard to find those that specifically state that they will work with women, and who fit my preferences. I consider myself a very fussy person. I think everybody is to some degree, but I'm a very picky person. I prefer a mature woman who has been around, who knows how to behave, who is confident, and can carry themselves. Essentially, I'm not only looking for an intelligent woman but a classy, sophisticated woman who isn't going to stick out beside me.
For the first SP I saw, I booked a hotel room and waited two hours past our appointment time before she arrived. It turned out that she was unruly and inconsiderate—she barged in with a backpack on her shoulder, and the entire experience was over within 30 minutes. After she left, I realized she had taken an expensive bottle of wine that I had bought for the occasion, along with the takeout I had ordered. She asked for both—she didn't steal them from me—but it struck me as extremely tacky.
Growing up, I didn't have an opinion on sex work, and I really didn't care. I don't mean that in a derogatory manner, it just wasn't important to me. It's not until I met Lisbeth—the SP who gave me my first real experience, almost two months after the aforementioned encounter—that I realized just how amazing and compassionate these women can be. Everything about her impressed me: the way she spoke, the way she carried herself, her punctuality. It was all incredibly graceful. Suffice it to say, after that, I was hooked.
For me, the whole experience goes far past just sex. The meeting, the talking, the intelligent conversation, the way someone carries herself—that's all foreplay. To see somebody who's well put together and very confident, like I am, that's my high. I don't think many of the SPs have met a woman like myself, and because of that, I try to treat them in an amazing way. Like a princess. To me, it's very, very important to treat sex workers with respect and with dignity. I have given some of them gifts and surprises that they never imagined receiving. In a way, I know it's selfish: The whole process of wooing them over—even when I've already paid for the time—gives me an adrenaline rush.
Despite how much I love being a client, the question I find myself asking sometimes is how long I can keep this up for. I've never done this in my career or personal life, so it's somewhat new to me, but yes, I am a cheat. I am not in denial. Some people would say, "You're meeting an SP, so it's not cheating." I disagree—I am cheating. Obviously, that kind of preempts my personal needs, so I have to sort of look away and turn a blind eye. My partner doesn't know, my colleagues don't know. No one knows about this life but me and my SPs.
Outside of that, what concerns me is that these women have become my friends, which in a way is much more difficult than the escort part of it. These women are totally awesome, and I would love to stay friends with them. I mean, I've never just ended a friendship abruptly. That said, for them, I'm not sure if it would really matter at the end of the day. I understand that aspect is part of the job, but it would be hurtful for me.
I think that, in a way, ironically, I have become protective of these women. It's like I'm their savior. I want to make sure they're OK, because I have the utmost respect for these women. I would not be able to do this job, so I give such huge kudos to sex workers. Not only do they put themselves out there—physically and mentally—but this job in general is so taxing. These women have become a part of my life, and I care for them deeply.
*Names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.
Follow Jake Kivanc on Twitter.