Hi, it's me again.
I'm still writing obituaries. I wanted to send you an update: everyone
is dying. Seriously. I've never worked so much overtime. Eartha Kitt,
Mia Farrow's daughter Lark Previn, Edd Cartier, Robert Graham, Vincent
Ford, and Bernie Hamilton all died between Christmas and New Year's Day
alone. I wasn't responsible for printing their obituaries or anything,
but they did die.
More people die during the holidays than any other time of year. The
spike in the death rate isn't only from all the drunk driving accidents
and suicides, either: people's hearts just seem to fail them during the holidays. There's a name for this phenomenon: the Christmas coronary. On a local scale, it probably has
something to do with Montreal's harsh winters, too. Old people's frail
bodies and delicate immune systems can't handle them. If you're one of
those weirdos who actually enjoys this vile season,
think about this: winter is murdering your grandparents.
Of course, I shouldn't complain because I'm actually benefiting
from these sudden deaths. My commission is gonna be huge! To answer
someone's question from my first post: we don't get paid per notice, we
have a monthly budget to meet. Needless to say I made and totally
exceeded December's. I plan on buying myself a nice Costa Rican
vacation.
MEL C.