Hey Ron! - Stereotypes About Blacks

The thing about stereotypes is that they’re usually true, but there are always exceptions. Do all black people find watermelons extremely tasty, exclusively listen to rap music, enjoy anal sex and have big penises? No. Do most of them? Maybe. Either way, Ron doesn’t enjoy blanket statements about anything unless they have to do with his handsomeness or fighting skills. So we asked him for his two cents on a few hackneyed claims about black people.

- Black people love ketchup so much they even dump it on steak.

Well, that could be true, but then again that’s a black man’s Worcester sauce. White people like Worcester, we like ketchup. But that’s not always true. For instance, I don’t like Worcester because I don’t like the flavour, and ketchup is horrible. It just takes the flavour out of the food. I don’t put ketchup on anything, not even French fries. I guess that’s the light skin in me; I don’t like ketchup. Now my brother is a different story. We used to call him 'Geechie Man' because all he wanted to eat was rice and ketchup. He’d buy a bottle of ketchup and rice and eat it. I thought that was the most horrible thing. When I was younger we used to go to Central Park to the skating rink and I noticed that white people would put ketchup in their potato chip bags, shake it up, and eat it. I figured I’d try it. I don’t know if I made myself like it but I started to do it. Then, after a while, I just stopped. If you leave the ketchup in there too long without eating the chips they get soggy unless you have potato chips that will hold their shape like Pringles. Anyway, it’s a cultural thing. It’s about what you’re used to, what you’re raised on. Not that it necessarily tastes good.

- Black people don’t tip well.

If you’re a waiter at a high-end restaurant and a person comes in who has just enough money to eat out at a nice place and not enough for a tip then you’re just out of luck. I tip, what is it… 10 percent? Ten percent of the tax or something like that. I don’t even know what it is. I just use my phone. I’m not really sure. I just know it’s already calculated in my phone and I tip that. Then again, sometimes people give you horrible service and they still want that money. I’m like, “Dude, you know, I work hard too. Sorry.”

- Black men have large wieners.

Well, y’all seen the movie Mandingo? ’Nuff said.

- Black people are better at sports.

Again, look around you. One time this guy Jimmy the Greek said something like, “You know why black people are stronger, with bigger thighs and stuff like that? Because they bred the hairiest black buck with the hairiest, strongest black female. If you couldn’t afford a horse, you had one or two black men or women pulling it.” So, yeah that’s a true story, but they didn’t like him saying that. 99 percent of NFL running backs are black. Receivers are black. Why? We’re more agile. I’ve seen white people dance and, dude, there’s no rhythm there. Black people run with a rhythm and stride. Y’all run like, you know, like your pants are on fire. And they probably are because most of y’all are liars.

- Black people love fried chicken and Kool-Aid.

Both true. I grew up in the projects and if I didn’t have any food in the house, which was a lot of the time, there was definitely Kool-Aid. It was ten cents a pack. Dude, you can make Kool-Aid no matter what. My brother used to make flavours up that don’t exist till this day. Kool-Aid was definitely a big plus, a big thing in the projects. And chicken was cheap. No one makes better fried chicken than black people. People come from all over the world to eat our fried chicken. That said, I’ve never been to one of those restaurants that serve fried chicken and waffles or fried chicken and watermelons. They have them, but I’ve never been.

- Black people are loud, obnoxious, and disrespectful.

That’s everybody. I’ll be on the train and I hear the Germans, the Greeks, the Pakistanis, the Chinese, and they’ll be sitting right next to each other yelling like they’re upset but they’re just having regular conversations. Chinese people will be sitting there and nobody can tell them nothing because they’ll just start yelling. You might think that they’re fighting but they’re just saying, “Goodbye.”

- Black people have low job expectations.

That’s dumb. I don’t know anybody who wakes up in the morning and whispers, “You know what? I can’t wait to work at McDonalds!” No, that is not our threshold. That is not what we look forward to. Now, there are a lot of lazy black people who don’t want to work at McDonalds jobs. They want a big job with a third-grade education. That is definitely true. They don’t want to work for it, but they want it. They want the Lexus, they want the Benz, they want everything they see. I can say that because I lived in that type of environment.

- Black people use poor English.

I don’t know if they still consider Ebonics a language, but that type of talking was never welcome when I was in school. It was definitely not the norm. But it became a full language in the sense that it was spoken in the hood or in poor neighborhoods. “The hood” doesn’t necessarily mean a black neighborhood. It can be like 8 Mile. Eminem doesn’t have the best grasp of language either. It depends on where you were raised. I go to the South and see white boys from Alabama or Kentucky who speak broken English with thick accents. It doesn’t work.

- Black women are more likely to be teen mothers.

I happen to have cable, so those of you who have cable have probably seen that show 16 and Pregnant. For every black girl there are about five white girls who are pregnant, so let’s not go there. It’s ridiculous. And for the most part they’re ugly. I’m like, “Who wants to have sex with an ugly girl in the first place?”

Previously on Hey Ron!

MY MAN'S GOT A WEIRD DONG

IS MY SISTER BULIMIC?

INTERRACIAL DATING

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