Measure B Is a Pain in the Dick

Let’s not bullshit ourselves, condoms flat out suck — both in one’s private life and in pornos. They’re uncomfortable boner-ruiners and girls are always trying to put holes in them to get my babies. In porn, from a fan’s perspective, it’s just not stimulating to see a plastic bag going in and out of a girl’s mouth/butthole. I understand the need for them, but I just don’t like them and I am thankful I’m married and no longer forced to use them. Recently, a law was passed in Los Angeles that is so preposterous it could send porn stars and porn industry people to jail if they don’t use condoms, dental dams, and all sorts of other forms of safe sex in their films. The law is called Measure B (or Measure Bullshit to the folks who will be pummeled by its iron fist).

Measure B, which is really just a witch hunt and a means to run pornographers out of LA County, was proposed by the well-financed AIDS Healthcare Foundation President, Michael Weinstein. The language on the ballot was so deceptive it led voters to believe it was a law to protect the performers in the porn industry. The reality is that Measure B calls for pornographers to purchase health permits and it opens their shoots up to random inspections from the Health Department to make sure they are complying with the law. This goes for everyone, even the lowly cam girls who are in the safety of their own homes doing solo shows to help put themselves through college.

Many of my friends are both up in arms and fearful of what is to come. Director Kimberly Kane, who you know from my recent episodes of Skinema and her VICE magazine feature on Zak Smith and Mandy Morbid, is now a criminal under Measure B. She was uncharacteristically speechless when I asked her for a quote about the law. She didn’t know what to say for days. She finally told me, “Technically they’ll penalise you for breaking the law even if you’re married and performing with your spouse without a condom. Everything I do now is illegal without a permit, a condom, and probably someone on set from the Heath Department making sure that everything is up to code. I don’t know what we’re going to do. They say it’s a First Amendment violation and it could be litigation for a long time. But no one knows. Everyone is very worried. Measure B basically runs us out of town on a moral stance. They say Vegas or Nevada is an option [for relocating the industry]…”

The selling point from the AIDS Healthcare Foundation is that Measure B is necessary to prevent an outbreak of AIDS, but in reality there have been very few AIDS outbreaks in porn over the years. Porn stars are already required to have monthly or bi-weekly tests before they’re able to perform. Some companies even require a 24-hour test to be 100 percent positive that their talent is clean. The porn industry does a fantastic job of policing itself. Our government should consider adopting some of porn’s self-imposed safety regulations to lessen the spreading of sexually transmitted diseases in the general population. When I got my AIDS test two years ago with Kimberly Kane at the now defunct AIM Clinic for Skinema, it was the first time I’d been tested in 35 years. Most people I know have never been tested, probably because they are too afraid of what the results might be. That said, I feel safer having unprotected sex with just about any porn star in the business than I do having protected sex with some random person at a bar. For porn stars, their bodies are their income, therefore they have an acute understanding of its inner workings and are quick to address even the faintest hint of an STD so they can continue working as usual. The average citizen, however, has no clue that they’re spreading genital warts, herpes, and god knows what else, because they’re untested and unaware.

The Free Speech Coalition is beginning to wage a legal battle against Measure B, and I personally can’t see the law being upheld. Then again, I didn’t see it being voted for in the first place. In the upcoming months, I’ll be talking more and more about the development of this very unconstitutional, very un-American law. In the meantime, check out the latest statement from the FSC here.

And here’s two quick FOR/AGAINST videos I shot at the EXXXOTICA Porn Expo in Edison, NJ:

More stupid can be found at ChrisNieratko.com and twitter.com/Nieratko. You should also watch the Skinema video series on VICE.com.

More on porn:

Living Porn: When a Dude Wants You to Sit There and Do Nothing While He Jerks Off

Be a Porn Writer in Seven Easy Steps

Indifferent Cats in Porn