The Hangover News

Regressive Legislature
KANSAS LAWMAKERS APPROVED A SWEEPING ANTI-ABORTION BILL
Which isn't great news for anyone who wants to have control over the little things in life, like childbirth

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Kansas lawmakers have approved an anti-abortion bill that defines life as starting at conception and bans pro-choice organisation Planned Parenthood from distributing sex education material in schools.

Advocates of the bill claim that it helps women to make more informed choices, and by that they presumably mean it only gives them one choice: to keep the child.

While the bill doesn't strictly ban abortion, it prohibits use of public funds, tax preferences or tax credits for abortion services, meaning those who do want to have an abortion will have to either travel to different states or pay inordinate amounts of money to fund what is essentially a basic human right.

The Kansas bill follows similar restrictions put on abortion rights in both North Dakota and Arkansas in the past few weeks.

Derby Demolition
THE PHILPOTT FAMILY HOME IS GOING TO BE DEMOLISHED
Nobody wants reminding of the awful stuff that happened there, so they're knocking it down

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Derby City Council plans to demolish the home where Mick and Mairead Philpott, and their friend Paul Mosely, killed six of the Philpott's children in a fire purposefully started to frame a former mistress of Mr Philpott.

Ward councillor Baggy Shanker said the plot could either become a memorial to the deceased children or be used for new housing.

Last week, Mick Philpott was given a life sentence for manslaughter, while Mairead and Mr Mosely were both given 17-year sentences for their part in the fire.

Women's Rights
UGANDA HAVE PROPOSED A BAN ON MINISKIRTS 
The bill also includes heavily monitoring internet use and banning a load of movies and TV shows, which sucks

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In a huge leap forward for women's rights in Uganda, the government is considering an "anti-pornography" bill that bans women from wearing miniskirts.

According to Simon Lokodo, Uganda's ethics and integrity minister, "Any attire which exposes intimate parts of the human body, especially areas that are of erotic function, [would be] outlawed."

Besides the fact that describing areas of the human body as having an "erotic function" is one of the most distressing things a government official has ever said, the proposed ban is obviously a huge blow to constitutional freedoms.

As if banning clothing wasn't enough, the bill would also permit officials to closely monitor citizens' internet activity and allow them to ban any TV shows or movies they consider to be pornographic.

And, considering they reportedly deem concert footage Madonna and Beyonce to be pornographic, let's assume their entertainment media will end up as some kind of criminally-bland youth-outreach-cum-religious-propaganda bore-fest within a couple of months of the bill being passed.

The Future of British Police
BRITAIN'S FIRST YOUTH PCC SAID SOME STUFF SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE ON TWITTER
Then came up with literally the worst set of excuses ever uttered in the history of humanity

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Paris Brown, a 17-year-old girl from Kent, was appointed as Britain's first youth police and crime commissioner last week.

Just after that, the Daily Mail went on her Twitter and found out that was had posted stuff about wanting to make hash brownies, being "horny as fuck" and calling travellers "pikeys" and immigrants "illegals", which – although not the most pleasant of things – isn't that much of a surprise from a relatively immature teenager.

Among calls for Brown to resign from her post, Ann Barnes, Kent’s independent police and crime commissioner, defended her, asking for some perspective due to Brown's age.

Miss Brown also made a public apology, stressing that she's not racist, homophobic or violent and is against taking drugs, which was a pretty good start.

Then she claimed that the "line about hash brownies was a reference to a Scooby Doo film", completely fucking it for herself.

Regardless, it looks like she's going to keep her position and is due to start this summer, where she'll be paid £15,000 for a year's work.