TRAVIS BICKLE LIGHTER
I like using this lighter because when I first got it, I was like, "Ha-ha, what a nut that Travis Bickle was," but now that I'm older I'm like, "What do you mean?" The only thing weird about him now was that he took a girl to a porn movie on a date. Even the "one day a real rain is going to come and wash the scum off the streets" part seems totally fine.
You can get them at Empiresmx.com. SEIZE SUR VICE
We teamed up with that fancy-pants store in Soho called Seize Sur Vingt and did a bunch of dress shirts called Seize Sur Vice. The first line is all formal, professor-looking things named after the members of Crass, and the second line has tattoos on them because we all grew up in prison.
Available at all VICE stores and at Seize Sur Vingt (243 Elizabeth St.). EURO DON'T TOOTHPASTE
Could Europeans be bigger Don'ts please? Fuck. The music they listen to is painful. I mean, I love going to Max's on Avenue B, but those cornball Italians are always playing trance or progressive house or some horrible Gainsbourg remix. Then there's Germans with their comfortable brown loafers. And British people with their Shane MacGowan teeth. Even their fucking toothpaste is a Don't.
Go back to blairmag.com and play "Gay Or Eurotrash?". PIP & NORTON DOLLS
VICE cofounder Gavin McInnes and renowned crazy person Dave Cooper do a comic book called Pip & Norton that is really fucking funny. Dave just spent about 10,000 hours crafting these figurines that come in a box that you can make into a weird car thing where Norton's driving and Pip's on top freaking out.
See critterbox.com for more deets. MEXICAN CIGARETTE WARNINGS
Cigarettes are really bad for you because sometimes your penis will become so soft it will send out a piercing high frequency that only women can hear and it drives them fucking crazy. SNAKE WHISKEY
Hey China, you might want to update your culture a tiny bit. All these stupid snake drinks are killing the reptile population over there and they DO NOT make you stronger and braver. Sorry. Also, eating bear's eyes will not give you magic powers. How about you try to get up to at least like, the 1700s, OK? KAZ'S SMOKING CAT
The same company that made the Pip & Norton dolls made these smoking cats that Vice cartoonist Kaz designed. If you don't read the comics and you don't know who Kaz is, then what the fuck? Do you not beat off too?
Again, critterbox.com. BLACKFACE HOMER
So, according to Erik Lavoie, these were banned by Burger King because customers complained about Homer looking too minstrel-y. Hmmm. OK then, Coconuts (we call him that because whenever you order lunch he moves all the money around until you're like, six bucks short), why are these toys only $1.99 on eBay? And why did Fox tell us that it was actually about the plastic in the toys being toxic? Maybe it's because you saw how excited we got when you told us that bullshit story and were too scared to tell us you just made it up. Nice one, douchebag. BLACK MAN TOILET BRUSH
We don't have to worry about this being bullshit, though. It's in our hands and it came from Thailand and here it is. A fucking toilet brush called Black Man. Can you believe it? This is better than the Costa Rican cleaning products called Negrita. In fact, this may well be the greatest Tidbit since the beginning of time. Joe Huffman, you just won a free subscription. PS We wouldn't have been able to send you your subscription if you hadn't taped your name and email to the Tidbit because we always lose the boxes and envelopes these things come in. Please remember to do that everybody.
TRAVIS BICKLE LIGHTER