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Spring Break

All the Dumb Things Spring Breakers Have Done So Far This Year

Spring break for never.

Ahh, spring break. Bare-chested frat boys, sorority girls in bikinis, copious amounts of bottom-shelf alcohol, and a gentle reminder that a college education doesn't always equal common sense. Just writing these first two sentences has triggered me enough to get flashbacks of borderline alcohol poisoning and waking up next to second-string football players.

Anyway, spring break is never quite like that movie (which is being turned into a TV show, btw). There's usually a whole lot less Riff Raff and guns, more basic idiotic behaviour like shotgunning Natural Light and trashing pristine beaches.


Example A: Opening a beer with a live shark's teeth

OK, so apparently this student from a Florida school is not a frat boy, so let's skip that slander. But yo: Allegedly, this shark was alive when he used its teeth to open his Michelob Ultra for a shotgun. His friend off-camera yells some sort of congratulations, calling shark boy "son."

Once the post went way too viral and caused backlash, the student posted the following apology. Guys, he loves animals and has pets at home! What's the problem?

Chanting "Build that wall" while in Mexico (or at all)

Couldn't the Trump youth have chosen a different location for spring break outside of Mexico? According to a local newspaper in the country, Yuctan Times, the answer to this is no. Aboard a pirate-themed performance ship in Cancun, a hoard of Americans one could only hope were blackout drunk chanted the offensive phrase over and over again, allegedly continuing even after Mexican passengers complained.

Jumping in a tank of sharks


Driving recklessly while hauling a shit-ton of booze and weed

When you're 19, well under the drinking age in the US of A, you should tread lightly while packing any amount of booze you've bought with your fake ID. A young man on the way from Alabama to his spring break destiny in Destin, Florida was hauling 210 beers and weed in a pickup truck, allegedly going 90 miles per hour on an interstate highway. Tbh, he probably would have been a Florida Man-type hero had he made it and a cop hadn't cut his dream short.

Using a starfish as a luge

Pouring booze down an ornate ice sculpture into your mouth, yes. Live sea creatures, absolutely not.

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