SOME POLITICIANS SAID EVEN MORE WRONG THINGS
People got upset about it
In a week of recess at Westminster where two prominent politicians successfully made comments that made sure people didn't forget who they were while they were on holiday, David Cameron wasn't going to be left out.
Kicking things off on Thursday, Diane Abbott MP suggested, via Twitter, that white people are up to their old tricks.
Not 24 hours after Ed Miliband MP had given Abbott a telephoned "dressing down" (interrupting her live interview with Sky) he had already begun undressing himself onto the frontpage of the Sun when he Freudian-twipped:
Then, just while the Conservative party were drying their pants from laughing, David Cameron compared facing Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls in the House of Commons to "having someone with Tourette's permanently sitting opposite you", which a lot of people took to be an insult to anyone in the country who lives with the terrible affliction. A community which presumably includes Ed Balls' forefathers.
Who knows what will happen next. Maybe, feeling left out of the gaff-related media spotlight, Nick Clegg will unzip his trousers during PMQs, or Hague will wear a turd as a hat, or something.
A WOMAN'S BUNGEE CORD SNAPPED
She didn't die because she can swim well
22 year-old Australian backpacker, Erin Langworthy, may have set the unofficial world record for world's biggest dive after she survived her one-way bungee jump into the crocodile infested waters of the Zambezi River.
She managed to swim to safety despite the crocodiles, having her feet tied together and white water rapids. Suffering only minor injuries, Langworthy has said publicly, "It was quite scary…"
In an effort of damage control Zambian tourism minister, Given Lubinda, has stated to local press, "This is the first time I am hearing of an incident. The probability of an incident is one in 500,000 jumps." So, based on the unsubstantiated claim that about 350,001 bungee jump every year, anyone thinking of bungee jumping should be fine until around August.
A ROBBER TRIED TO ROB A BANK
But accidently deposited his gun
A man brandishing a gun went into a branch of Halifax in Cheapside, London and demanded £700,000.
But instead of handing the bank worker his swag-bag, the amateur stick-up man gave the cashier his gun. Despite managing to grab his weapon back the assailant fled on an employee's bicycle, sweaty and embarrassed.
PANDA SHIT TEA BECAME A THING
Over the past few months An Yanshi (pictured), a former calligraphy teacher, has bought 11 tonnes of rare panda excrement for the purpose of growing tea in it. He has set himself the goal of producing the world's most expensive tea, using the panda shit, charging roughly $35,000 for 500g of the stuff when it is harvested in spring.
An will, however, be flogging off the weaker batches for the knock-off price of around $3,000 because there is, after all, a recession.
NIGERIA IS GETTING A BIT SCARY
Fuel subsidies and violent insurgents are fucking up everyones new year
The people of Nigeria are becoming increasingly upset over President Goodluck Jonathon's decision to end fuel subsidies (which made up 25% of the national budget), more than doubling the price of fuel overnight. This has resulted in unions striking, political unrest and a whole heap of daily protesting.
This has all birthed Occupy Nigeria, hailing from Lagos and Abuja amongst other locations (and being around the Occupy world). It has been speculated Occupy Nigeria could gain significant momentum in a country where most of the population live on less than $2 a day and the price of a litre of fuel has just jumped to circa a gnarly $3.50.
Although the situation may seem to rest on whether or not President Goodluck's regime decide to crackdown on protestors, this is all amid another mess. In fact a state of emergency was declared in several northern states where Islamist group Boko Haram have stepped up a long-simmering aggression by attacking four churches simultaneously on Christmas and killing at least 40 people in the past two weeks.
Some lawmakers have suggested Nigeria is on the brink of a revolution. To quote Rep. Pally Isumafe Obokhuaime Iriase of the Action Congress of Nigeria, "We are sitting near a keg of gunpowder and we are playing with fire."
(Check out our pre-Christmas teaser for Fashion Week Internationale featuring footage in Nigeria here.)
Mac Hackett is away