The Hangover News

The Syrian Conflict
LOTS OF STUFF HAPPENED IN SYRIA OVER THE WEEKEND, NONE OF IT GOOD
Unless you're into air strikes, war and chemical weapons

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This weekend, a lot of stuff happened in Syria and none of it was particularly good.

Israel bombed land close to Damascus twice (which the Syrian government have said is a "declaration of war"), more than 100 Sunni Muslims were allegedly killed by a pro-Assad militia and Carla del Ponte, a member of the UN panel, claimed she had "strong, concrete suspicions" of Syrian rebels using the chemical nerve agent sarin.

The US government were quick to rebuff del Ponte's claims, saying they still weren't sure if chemical weapons had been used, but if they had, they reckoned it was Assad's forces who'd used them.

The Sunni Muslim massacre happened in the coastal town of Baniyas, and activists claim forces loyal to Bashar al-Assad are responsible, alleging they used guns, knives and blunt objects to kill the Sunnis, the Muslim sect who dominate the rebel movement.

Finally, Israel carried out two air strikes on military targets around Damascus, apparently to prevent the transportation of advanced missiles to Hezbollah in Lebanon for use against Israel.

That last one is perhaps the most worrying, as the Syrian government claimed the air strikes were a declaration of war, potentially – as many analysts have warned of – pushing the civil conflict in Syria out into neighbouring countries.

The Future of Weapons
THE WORLD'S FIRST 3D-PRINTED GUN WAS FIRED SUCCESSFULLY
Cody Wilson plans to freely distribute the blueprints over the internet, which is promising 

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Defense Distributed, the world's leading developer of 3D-printed weapons, successfully fired their first entirely 3D-printed gun.

The company now plans to make the blueprints for the gun available for free online, which, for whatever reason, has got anti-gun campaigners losing their shit.

When asked about the potential problems that could arise from, say, a criminal or a 12-year-old being able to print off weapons in their own home, Cody Wilson – founder of Defense Distributed – seemed pretty nonchalant and said that "liberty is a better interest" than, presumably, the lives of any victims of his weapon.

Many law enforcement agencies around the world are now quickly stepping up their game to monitor emerging technologies, like 3D-printing, that could aid crimes being committed.

Delayed Justice
GERMAN POLICE ARRESTED A 93-YEAR-OLD "AUSCHWITZ GUARD"
Except he says he was a cook at the death camp, not a guard

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Hans Lipschis, a 93-year-old German man, was arrested after authorities determined that there is "compelling evidence" he was involved in crimes at the Nazi concentration camp Auschwitz while posted there from 1941 to 1945.

Lipschis has claimed that he was assigned to an SS guard unit at the camp but ended up being a cook instead and wasn't involved in any war crimes, which is convenient.

However, under a new line of thinking, anyone who served at a Nazi camp can be charged with accessory to murder – even without proof of participation – as the sole purpose of the camps were to kill people.

So despite his protestations, it looks like Lipschis will be brought to trial – something probably not helped by his confession that he had "heard about" what was going on at the camps.

Political Genius
THE BNP ARE ASKING THEIR MEMBERS TO BREED MORE
They didn't win any council seats, so obviously this is the next logical step

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After missing out on every single one of the 99 seats in local elections that its members were running for, the BNP has urged its supporters to breed more nationalists to counter the large families of non-Britons living in Britain.

The online message on the BNP's website also suggested that an increase in "immigration of white Europeans" to Britain could help "to [build] up the white population".

The party have always claimed that they're not racist and are just interested in British people, regardless of race, being the dominant group in Britain. So suggesting that foreigners are alright as long as they're white seems kind of at odds with those claims, but I suppose you might as well admit to being bigots if it's only your supporters you're targeting.

Of course, every child of every nationalist turns out to be a nationalist itself – that's a given – but the plan appears to be lacking something in that these children aren't going to be of voting age for another 18 years and nine months.

Unfortunately for the party, anti-racism activist and former BNP member Matthew Collins has spotted another, pretty critical flaw in their plan: "The problem is that your typical BNP member is a social pariah who is more into pornography than starting a family."

Sexy Threats
A MAN WAS SENT A THREATENING DILDO AND IS VERY UPSET ABOUT IT
He might even sue for emotional damages

Retired Vietnam veteran Ralph Polnicky was sent an eight-inch dildo bearing the messages "Ralph is a dick" and "Tractor Supply, don't come back".

The Tractor Supply in question is the local branch of an American chain that sells anything a rural-abiding American might want – lawn mowers, wide-brimmed straw hats, gate-openers, etc. – and was supposedly the scene of a fight between Polnicky and one of the branch's assistant managers.

Polnicky claims the store botched an order for a "250-foot spool of bungee cord", and when he went into complain one of the assistant managers yelled "Get out and don't come back!" at him.

Polnicky has been unable to get fingerprints from the sex toy – it apparently "touched too many hands" – and after a thorough investigation the store haven't been able to find the culprit, so Polnicky is now considering launching a civil suit for emotional damages.

It's unclear what kind of emotional damage stems from receiving a vandalised dildo in the post, but here's hoping Polnicky finds the closure he so desperately deserves.