On Tour with Some Fat Racists

If you're a sharp type, you'll have read Henry Langston's report from the front line of the English Defence League's recent nationwide tour, "Thirsty and Miserable", in our new Stardust & Moonbeams Issue. Henry didn't stop following the skinheads after he submitted his copy though. Here's the story of the rest of the tour, which ends up in Henry getting sparked for being transparently not-racist. Over to Henry.

After their last rather tepid march outside the Houses of Parliament, I thought about giving up on the EDL all together, but a mixture of curiosity and obsession took me to their latest two marches in Bolton and Dudley where everything kicked off again.

Bolton was a shit-storm of bad judgment by the racists. At first the quiet EDL were emasculated by the anarchic behaviour of the UAF hippies. And then, when they tried to reassert their thuggishness, they took it too far, the police let the dogs loose and the EDL were driven back to the station before they could bore the world to death with their shit speeches.

After the UAF set fire to some bins; the police started arresting random crowd members. The mixture of rain, mud, and dog shit made the ground pretty slippy. Lots of disgruntled hippies collapsed in it.

With the police too interested in arresting and, (possibly), torturing members of the UAF, they knocked down this 90-year-old WWII veteran who - judging by his threatening poster - won't forget their mistake. OAP retribution was on the cards.

Finally the EDL turned up and as usual gave me a sweet welcome.

The EDL take this crusade against Muslims and the left-wing so seriously they're willing to get tattoos on their necks, this one says: UAF Scum Hunter.

After the police had enough of the EDL, releasing the dogs making the big hard skinheads run away like little girls, so the cops just stood around looking like Clint Eastwood.

Dudley, Pete Wentz's favourite town in England, apparently, laid out the red carpet for the EDL on the 3rd April. The UAF's counter demo was boring, so I left and found the EDL's gathering point. After I waited a few hours, mingling with the other big media dicks from the BBC and ITV, the EDL finally turned up and were put into their cage. Soon they got bored and decided to tear their impound apart, crashing through police lines and running through the town, smashing up any shops that weren't already boarded up.

The EDL's march was to protest against a "super mosque" being built by the council, here are some locals waiting for the party to start.

As usual the EDL carried loads of paranoid and delusional banners. This one was my favorite. I like to pretend it just says: "This is England… Not!"

After the guys got tired of their cage and the police wouldn’t let them leave, it descended into violence and random groping of women.

Uh oh.

Shit, bad luck Dudley. Bad luck Pete Wentz.

When the light entertainment was done, the EDL just started having fun. They're real fun guys.

Later on, while the police were busy laying down some brutality, myself and another two photographers made our way to our transport out of Dudley. As we passed a McDonald's a large group of EDL youths spotted us, ran over and punched me in the mouth. My fellow snappers protected me in the only way they know, taking photos and selling one to me for 50 quid.

There I am, on one knee, looking great.