The Lost Lonnie Shit the Carpet Video

On September 15, 2013, the world lost a comedic genius when my wife’s special uncle, Lonnie Luizza, passed away. Over the past 13 years of writing for VICE I’ve often talked about how amazing and hilarious Lonnie’s filthy mouth and mind were. Today, I will be giving one final spectacular dose of Lonald.

Halloween marks the first of the three most holy holidays in Lonnie’s life. He loved to play dress up with me, but as soon as the day was over and November 1 came around he would begin counting down the time until Thanksgiving when we’d hold his annual birthday party, because he loved to eat so much. And because he thought he was four years old all his life, he loved Christmas, like any four-year-old.

So begins the first of many firsts without Lonnie. My wife spent the morning crying, looking at old photos, until I surprised her with this little video reenactment of Lonnie shitting on the carpet that we filmed many years back.

Back in 2008 my friend Jesse Pearson and I thought it would be hilarious to create a buddy-cop web series for VICE based on my family, primarily focused on the misadventures with my wife's special Uncle Lonnie and myself. The show was to be called Meet the Nieratkos based on my long running web-column. This bit, based on Lonnie’s lie where he blames the cat for the massive shit on the family carpet, was the first and last thing we ever filmed for it.

The footage was lost for many years, and recently my friend Chris Phillips was good enough to re-edit it.

I am eternally thankful that I am able to prove his comedic genius through all the footage I have of him from over the years. I hope you get a kick out of it. And that you don’t get any razor blades in your apples today.

Previously - Meet the Nieratkos… and Jenna Jameson!

More stupid can be found at Chrisnieratko.com or @Nieratko