Chris Nieratko
Porn Stars Auction Their Bodies for Oklahoma Tornado Victims
I went to the Exxotica Porn Expo to ask some of the top adult-film stars what sexual act they’d be willing to donate to my fictitious auction to help raise money for the victims of the Oklahoma tornadoes. If the comical responses of these porn stars...
Obedience School
Have you ever tried to mop up the floodwaters of a squirter? FEMA and the Red Cross combined would be ill-equipped to handle the task; there just aren’t enough sandbags on earth to hold back those tides. Hurricane Sandy’s aftermath was nothing compared...
Jeff Grosso Has a Beautiful Mind
Is Jeff Grosso the last vestige of free speech in skateboarding? We don’t know, but we like the way he talks about drugs.
Skateboarding's Most Violent Team Manager Has Mellowed Out
Deluxe Distribution's Mic-e Reyes has never kicked anyone off his team for smoking pot, but he has kicked a lot of ass over the years.
Belladonna's Dick Sauce (Animal Style)
My eyes are currently bleeding semen. Each moment they remain open, it feels like vats of acid are being poured into my retinas. The excruciating pain is a direct result of watching porn for the past 12 hours straight.
Gimme a Fucking Break #4
Despite flunking out of six of the most prestigious institutions of higher learning in New Jersey in less than three years, I never got to experience the crazy beach rompfest marinated in cheap beer that is spring break.
Twelve Tits for Filing Your Taxes
Former CPA turned adult-film star Veruca James offers some helpful tips for filing your taxes.
Patrick O’Dell’s Skateboard High School
Patrick O’Dell is having an art show called 'Skateboard High School' tonight at LA’s Known Gallery. I wish I were flying to LA this weekend so I could see it, but I'm not, so instead I made him send me a copy of the limited-edition book from the show...
Finally, a Kids' Book for Cannibals
If you’re a cannibal with lofty aspirations to become part of high society, Jen Uman has the perfect book for you and your children.
Fat, Sick, and Nearly Divorced
It was bound to happen. Chris Nieratko’s wife is leaving him for juicing, so he’s offering up these photos and videos of her for you to pleasure yourself to.
Bitches in Uniform
Much like the modern-day hipster with soft hands and manicured nails and the garb of a longshoreman, skateboarders appropriated the style of blue-collar workers two decades ago.
Hip-Hop Isn’t Dead, It’s Just Repackaged
Skateboarding ruined hip-hop, and Lil Wayne sucks, but at least we have our CDs and cassettes from the 90s to drown our sorrows.