DOCTORS
Άνδρας Έπαθε «Νέκρωση Οσχέου» Μετά από Δάγκωμα Κόμπρας στους Όρχεις του
Το δηλητηριώδες φίδι πετάχτηκε από λεκάνη τουαλέτας και τον δάγκωσε.
Doctors in British Columbia Can Now Prescribe Heroin
Clinical studies have shown that prescribing some hardcore addicts heroin can give their lives some much-needed stability. The only question is whether the government's knee-jerk antidrug policies will allow the effective treatment to go forward.
People Are Awful at Suicide
In general, failing at death is worse than failing at life. If you shoot yourself through the head at the wrong angle you end up retarded. Jump from one floor too low and you're paralyzed for life. One mouthful short of bleach and you’ll have to wait...
I Made a Baby
I always regale you with stories of death, disease, sexual perversity, and self-destruction. But sometimes there is a fleeting reprieve in the otherwise grim monotony of bodily failure. Last week I delivered my first baby!
Things I Have Fished Out of People's Butts
Bedposts, doorknobs, mayonnaise jars, candles, a small pistol, a grocery and newspaper combo, a 12-inch long and 8-inch wide salami, tennis balls, an aluminum tube, axe handles, soldering irons, and a frozen pig's tail to name a few.
Fat Chance
Worst of all, your chances of getting laid are not only reduced by looking like shit, but it would be quite a feat to get your 40-inch wide leg over, when your dick has long since been engulfed. Get fat, and your own body mass swallows your penis and...
What I Know About Death
I haven’t cried for a patient in over five years. I worry I’ve become a cold-hearted bitch who makes small children scream, jabs old ladies with needles, and remains unfazed in the face of relentless suffering.
The Voices in My Head Are Telling Me to Bathe in Shit
A 30-year-old woman came into ER last week covered from head to toe in her own shit. She was very attached to it. Every time we tried to wipe any of it away she would flail and scream, agonized.
How to Drink Until Your Ass Bleeds
He drank so much he had scoured the inside of his stomach raw with ulcers, which were bleeding out so quickly it ran straight through the 6.5m of his gut, mixed with shit and leaked all over the street.
What Not to Do for an Erection
The wince-making shame of trying to push an increasingly flaccid penis into an ever more impatient pussy is undeniable. But the valiant lengths men go to in desperation can have painful consequences.