I want to write a screenplay! In 12 years! Or more! How do I do it? What will I learn from your class? What will it teach me? I want to learn the SECRETS to GREAT SCREENPLAY writing in 12 YEARS or MORE! What will your class teach me?! Of course you want to know, because YOU’RE the one who’s going to PAY ME for the knowledge! No problem, friend, I will give you an OVERVIEW but NO SPECIFICS, because then you WOULDN’T NEED ME and then I would NOT MAKE MONEY off of YOU!!! Here’s the poop, Scoops!
YEARS 1–3: LEARN THE BASICS!
This is where we cover LOTS of ground! All the terminology of screenplay writing: conflict, resolution, conflict resolution, character arcs, Joseph Campbell-isms, the “third” act, character “spines,” subtext, super-subtext, twists, fish-out-of-water, fish-in-water, Bob McKee-oroonis, etc. Then we apply it. There is a FREE brainstorming KIT for each attendee. We critique one another’s screenplay ideas and encourage ourselves to dream big. You are required to work in a Starbucks or other approved coffee shop at least part-time to “get the vibe” of screenwriting. These basics will help you as you head into…
YEARS 4–7: EXPERIENCE, THE TEACHER OF ALL TIME
Now it’s time to make notes, journals, and lists! Based on reality and imagination (two of the best sources of story—aka “story sources”), you will be REQUIRED to LIVE YOUR LIFE and make note of your experiences and the people AROUND YOU. Get married, get divorced, get remarried, adopt a kid, get a REAL job, get FIRED, nearly KILL YOURSELF. This is all grist for the mill! By the time this section is over you should have TONS OF RAW MATERIAL and some truly compelling characters!
YEAR 8: RELEARN THE BASICS!
Back to the drawing board. In year 8 we will concentrate on the TERMINOLOGY OF SCREENWRITING: the page 60 flip-flop, the interior antagonist, the fourth-act floozy, meta-anterior motivations, and so many more TERMS.
YEARS 9–11: LOSE THE THREAD
Drop it. This is the part most screenwriting workshops MISS. These are three years when you DO NOT PUT PEN TO PAPER. Instead, this is a time to let the ground lie fallow and STARE AT THE SUN. A painful but necessary two-year step usually ending in REHAB, after which it’s time to head…
YEAR 12: BACK TO BASICS!
The final year we’ll re-relearn AND create new SCREENWRITING TERMS! The anti-nonhero, the second-act undertow, the Dirty Sanchez, the page 35 conundrum, side-sub-über-motivators, and some I haven’t thought of yet! It’s all very exciting! Just give me 15 minutes a month for 12 years and suddenly you’ll find yourself at Sundance or Slapdance or one of the other festivals, or maybe just AT YOUR OWN HOME surrounded by FRIENDS AND FAMILY… OR MAYBE NOT ANYWHERE!!! I’m so excited for you and your screenplay to send me a check right now, sign up, get on board, and finally become THE MAN YOU WISH YOU WERE instead of CONTINUING TO SUCK! Let’s do this!