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The Fashion Issue 2009

Medieval Slimes

According to sources such as Hollywood, history textbooks, and the word on the street, the Middle Ages were a thousand-year grunge revival in which everybody walked around covered in fleas and mud.
Thomas Morton
Κείμενο Thomas Morton

According to such sources as Hollywood, history textbooks, and the word on the street, the Middle Ages were a thousand-year grunge revival in which everybody walked around covered in fleas and mud and you could tell a person’s class by the particular stench of their balls. This is total bullshit. I know this because I just spent two weeks adhering strictly to premodern hygiene techniques and aside from a few skid marks, unexplained sores, heavy dandruff, lots of smegma, and a possible case of Saint Anthony’s fire, I turned out fine. Here’s how it went.

ΔΙΑΦΗΜΙΣΗ

THE BASIC RULES

Fitzcarraldo

PISSING

dejecti effusive

pitch

TEETH

Miswak

miswak

miswak

SHITTING

WIPING, PART THE FIRST

Gargantua and Pantagruel

SMELL, PART THE FIRST

SKIN

LAUNDRY

HAIR

The Breakfast Club

MORE WIPING

MORE SMELL