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The Mentally Ill Issue

Killing John

Rob is on four different psych meds at the moment.
Κείμενο Rob Logan

Rob and Lauren Beth Gash. She ran for Congress in 2000. Unfortunately, she lost.

I obviously have some problems. Maybe you could call me mentally ill and I'd say, OK, that's fine. I do live in a group home. I'm on four different psych meds. Depakoate is a mood stabilizer I take because I go up-and-down and up-and-down due to bipolar disorder. Then there's Risperdal, which is an anti-psychotic for hearing voices and stuff. I have some unwanted thoughts. I'm on a generic Prozac. In the winter of ‘91, I had a deep clinical depression. I couldn't get up about anything. The Gulf War was going on, the Nutria High School girls' basketball team had just lost a playoff game, I'd been laid off from a job—a lot of stuff was going on. I also take one milligram of Klonopin a night to help calm me down. If I didn't take these meds, I'd be in trouble. Risperdal helps me to not think in psychotic ways. I sometimes might have psychotic thoughts, like thinking about hurting somebody or having suicidal thoughts. I might wish somebody dead, or I might want to kill somebody. I hope you aren't upset. I'm not really going to kill somebody and I would never do such a thing. I'm a devout Christian, so if I did that I would not get into heaven. We own our own thoughts. Nobody can take those from us. A thought can't hurt anybody. But last night I was watching the Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show from September 12, 1965, on a DVD, and I was looking at John Lennon and I just lost it. I was saying, "YOU MOTHER-BLANKER. YOU DID IT TO YOUR MOTHER JULIA!" (That was his mother's name.) I mean, where does that come from? So I looked up at him in heaven and I said, "John, please forgive me. I don't know where these thoughts come from." John is NOT a mother-blanker and I love him dearly and I love the Beatles dearly. So, I apologize to John. My brother, Clayton John Logan, was a great person, and he died of AIDS in October of 1992. I go to his grave because I used to say very mean things to him, like "faggot." I go to him now and I say, "Clay, I'm sorry about what I said and did." I hope that he hears me and forgives me. Now I can't stand people who are anti-gay. I'm being open with you. People who have mental illnesses can work, they are good people, and I don't think they should be demeaned. There's a big stigma still in society as far people with mental illnesses go. It's like, if I went to interview for a job at 104.3, WJMK, today, I would not want to openly talk about my mental illness, because then I would be afraid, like, "Oh, they're not going to hire me now." ROB LOGAN