Who’s the Coolest?

Yesterday’s question was a difficult philosophical query touching on the nature of evil. There was no right answer. Today’s question—who is the coolest person who has ever existed?—is not like that. The coolest person is Shaft. And none of the assholes we asked got it right.

Ambiana: My grandmother.

Why?
Because she’s always taken care of me. She raised me pretty much.

Yeah, that’s cool. [heavy eye rolling]

Fadrinay: The coolest person I would have to say is Bill Gates.

Why Bill Gates?
Just everything he did with that Microsoft Company. I’m interested in computers. That’s real cool. Dork.

Grim: The Reaper.

Sorry? 
The Reaper. As in, “Don’t fear the Reaper.”

Erku (From Spain): I’m trying to think of someone American.

Good, because we are the coolest.
I’ll say Michael Jordan.

Why?
Well, I like basketball. And he was the best.

Axel: I’m going to say Vandana Shiva, because she makes an effort to take the issues that affect her personally and that affect her community, and connect them to what’s going on in the rest of the world.

I don’t know who that is, but that doesn’t really sound all that cool, sorry.

Grace: Danny Wallin.

Who?
He was the scoring mixer for Lost. He’s just the coolest old man ever. He’s one of the last old-time Hollywood figures. Definitely the best spirit I’ve ever encountered.

He’s the reason all those kids want to be scoring mixers when they grow up, huh?

Luke: Paul Newman, his role in Cool Hand Luke was just dope.

Is that all?
And he’s got those eyes. Those piercing blue eyes are the best.

Julie (From Norway): James Bond. He’s so stylish—but not the new one. I like the old ones.

Previously - Who Is the Most Evil Person in the World?