FYI.

This story is over 5 years old.

Pop Vox - What's Happening on Earth 2.0?

We headed to Hollywood, this planet's black hole of otherworldly delusion, to find out.
DS
Κείμενο Daniel Siegal
9.12.11

Darren (right, Music video director and producer)

Scientists announced earlier this week that at long last they have discovered a planet residing smack-dab in the middle of the life-supporting area of its solar system. Called Kepler 22-B, it’s about 72 degrees there, says NASA, and will take only 29 light years to get there for Winter Break. We headed to Hollywood, this planet's black hole of otherworldly delusion, to find out: What’s happening on Earth 2.0?

VICE: What do you think is happening on Earth 2.0 right now?
Darren: Is this Scientology related? Is it anything related to Sitchin, his stairway to heaven theory? The thirteenth planet and all this other stuff? Planet X possibly?

No…
Oh jeez.

Jeff (rides freight trains, plays guitar)

What do you think is happening on Earth 2.0 right now?
Are you from, uh, the Church of Scientology? Because sometimes they’ll walk around and ask random questions like that.

All right, well would you switch planets?
It depends how it was out there, but yeah. Me and my dog ride freight trains, so we travel the country all the time anyways. He’s been on 19 freight trains in the last, little over a year.

What’s his name?
Nudge.

What do you think is happening on this planet?
Who knows, all we can hope is they have beer and weed. Poor people, if they don’t have, I don’t know if I’d want to go there.

Eric (Looking for work)

What do you think is happening on Earth 2.0 right now?
They are enjoying themselves right now. Well, it all depends if they are in the right climate, if it’s snowing, or not?

Scientists say it’s about 72 degrees there.
72 degrees, oh they are having a ball.

Would you move there?
What? Oh yeah.

So you get there, you get your own country. What’s your flag gonna be?
It will have a big letter E on it. That's my initial.

One dude didn’t want to give his name, or let us take a photo of him, and said he was worried about getting put in the Do’s & Don’ts. But his friend, Nicole, let us take a photo of her. Just imagine there’s a guy in a flannel wearing glasses and a Dodger hat in the right side of the frame.

What do you think is happening on Earth 2.0 right now?
Dude: I have to say, I was thinking the same thing when I heard about it. I don’t think I have an answer.

Would you rather move to Kepler 22-B, or Bakersfield?
Both: Kepler 22. Definitely.

Jesse (rapper, actor, singer, entertainer, you name it) here asked us if we had the time but decided to stay and join in to answer the questions I was asking.

Do you guys think there’s aliens out there?
Oh, definitely man.

Dude: I don’t kn-

Jesse: There definitely is man. They’re actually watching me right now, I swear to God they are. I’m not even playing. Dude, somebody’s watching me right now, I don’t know if it’s the government or if some extraterrestrial type of technology these cats got out here.

Then we realized why everyone kept asking us if we were Scientologists. Welcome to Hollywood, home of the L. Ron Hubbard Christmas Special. Who needs alien life when you’ve got this right here?

Justin (left, Record label owner)

What do you think is happening on Earth 2.0 right now?
I got nothing funny. Probably nothing, it’s probably really unlikely that there’s intelligent life there at this moment. Because there’s only been intelligent life here for 10,000 years, in the grand scheme of things that’s nothing.

If you got to be the ruler of a new country on Kepler 22-B, what would you put on your flag?
The Pope wrestling an alligator.

Robert (Bouncer)

Do you think there could be life on Earth 2.0?
I believe that, why would God put life on only Earth? So if there’s another planet that can sustain life, I don’t see why there can’t be life on other planets. For all we know, there could be life like us over there, that we don’t know about it.

Would you go check it out, but you can’t come back?
Nah, I like my life. But if I could come back, then yeah, I’d go check it out.

Dig street polls? Check these out:

Is Michael Jackson in Heaven or Hell

We All Cream to Scream Queens

Do Our Interns Look Like Shit