Jamie Taete's Internet Roundup

Due to popular demand (and definitely not because I'm contractually obliged to generate a certain amount of content per month), the Internet Roundup is baaaaaaack! Lets take a look at what's been happening in the world of crappy-stuff-on-the-internet this week:

A PERSON THAT YOU WOULDN'T USUALLY EXPECT TO MAKE A RAP SONG MADE A RAP SONG

And it's great.

YOU FOUND OUT YOU WERE A PSYCHO

According to the press release, the "state-of-the-art music video" you see above marks the "return to the international music spotlight" for someone called Taylor Brightmore, who felt that: "Stalking is an issue which is too often hidden, and which teens and young women, especially, should not take for granted."

I'm glad that a pop star finally had the balls to deal with one of the greatest issues of our time; very-obviously-gay male models 'blue steeling' at young girls for a second, then leaving.

TELEVISION RAN OUT OF IDEAS

(via)

Working under the assumption that young people will like anything when you place the word "extreme" in front of it, American TV network the CW have announced that they are developing a show called Extreme Musical Chairs.

According to Variety, the show will "transform the popular children's game into a physically demanding competition with multiple rounds of elimination set in an indoor obstacle course." I just googled it, and the average TV pilot costs one million dollars to make. If you're reading this, the CW, please give me a job. I could have just saved you a million dollars.

Also, while trying to work out what kind of programming the CW usually has, I came across this clip from Ringer, Sarah Michelle Gellar's "triumphant return to television":

Triumphant, indeed.

WORLD'S BIGGEST CUNTS RELEASE WORLD'S BIGGEST MUSIC VIDEOS

Thanks to a press release entitled "Married Couple Releases Explicit Pair of Music Videos," I think I may have found the greatest thing of all time.

From what I can tell, a married couple named Sky and Nadia have made two music videos which look like this:

Which, obviously, is fucking insane. Unfortunately, you have to pay to watch them. And I have a strict "no money for cunts" policy, so there's no way I can allow myself to throw any cash their way. But here are some things I learned from reading the press release:

- They seem to be releasing these in order to fund a comedy about 9/11. The press release says that all money raised will fund "a comedy feature film about Silver Curve Records and the events that took place that formed the label," then goes on to state that "Sky, a onetime worker at Two World Trade Center up until 9/11, decided to make a career change into the entertainment industry soon after the 2001 tragedy that changed his life forever." Woah.

- That "many claim them to be the sexiest music videos ever released in the music industry."

- "The couple gave up having a wedding ceremony and engagement ring to shoot each other's music videos for release on their record label www.silvercurverecords.com." Reading that nearly made me cry.

- That they felt this sad, bitter piece of info was worthy of inclusion in the press release: "Sky had also once lived with and gave numerous ideas to the writer of the film, Just Friends, starring Ryan Reynolds, when the screenplay was being written by his old roommate, and he feels now is the time to direct and produce his own comedy feature movie."

- Oh, and this sad, bitter piece of info, too: "Sky Silver is not an ordinary music industry entrepreneur you'd expect to see jumping out of a limo and diving into a posh club surrounded by paparazzi. Instead, he is quite the opposite. Dark and mysterious, his attitude alludes a very private persona, and the two things he likes to have in close reach are his muse Nadia Kay and his white fedora - both complimenting his unique artistic expression."

Can someone please, please watch these music videos and describe them to me? I need to know if they're as good as they seem in my head. Thanks.