Like Dicks In The Night: Shy Girl And Arrogant Boy

Illustrations by Ben Montero

11.30pm

It’s Friday night in New York City. It’s stinking hot. I spent the day in the library reading and checking my emails. I don’t live in New York, I’m from Australia, I’m just here for three weeks. I don’t know anyone in the city so I’m in my apartment on the Internet.

On my Facebook feed someone posts about a new chat site called Omegle: “It’s exactly like Chatroulette but with less dickzzzzz!” I click through to the linked website. It’s exactly the same as Chatroulette: You are matched at random with a partner—you watch each other via webcam and type each other correspondence.

I’d used Chatroulette a few times with friends, and a few times alone. I found it creepy and never really tried to have a “proper conversation” with anyone on it. Usually when someone’s face popped up on my screen I felt aggression towards them. Maybe it’s because Chatroulette was filled with men masturbating to camera? But even when I had a “normal” looking person—fully dressed—their presence in my room made me feel uncomfortable and territorial, maybe aggressive. I was also anxious that if I spent too long on Chatroulette I would end up like one of those anonymous penises.

But tonight, I’m in New York alone. I’m not tired, and seeing as I have no interest in making real friends, I am going to talk to people on Omegle. I log in and activate my webcam. I remind myself that I can use this site with absolutely no intention of doing anything sexual.

Nervous Girl

A girl, around 18, sitting alone in a very dark room: All I can see is her face lit up by the screen. It’s pale and her cheeks are chubby around her eyes. She is wearing heavy purple eye make up. She smiles nervously.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hi

You: how are you?

Stranger: good i guess u?

You: pretty good

Stranger: where u from?

You: Australia, but I’m in new york

Stranger: im in georgia lol

You: do you use omegle often

Stranger: yeah, there is to many penises! i look for the guys that dont ofer to show or do not want to see boobs, i just like clean convos

You: do most guys want like sexual things?

Stranger: yes! ):<

You: all guys?

Stranger: 98%

You: why do you think that's what they want?

Stranger: because most males are perverts lol its the typical male thing, but some guys are

You: do you ever feel like you want to do those things?

Stranger: no

You: can you tell me all the different types of people you meet?

Stranger: guys:

Stranger: funny

Stranger: jerks

Stranger: and sexual

Stranger: girls:

Stranger: sweet

Stranger: and

Stranger: sexual

Stranger: lol and theres people that like to be fun who dance a lot and sing, and people that come on here wanting to show people there talent or get followers on youtube

Stranger: but bf and gf relationships probably would not start on omegle

You: so this is a little more like one a night stand kind of thing?

Stranger: this is a like show me ur tits i show u my dick and say dirty things, and do not say names or personal info and be done - unless u come on here like i do looking for entertainment or an interesting conversation about life or something, i do not come looking for sexual things

You: and do you meet any nice guys

Stranger: yes i have (: um at least one every time im on here.

You: if you had to judge the world's population of guys based on omegle, how would you describe them in 1-5 words?

Stranger: perverted assholes lol

Stranger has disconnected.

Arrogant Boy

A young guy, probably around 17, he has a shaved head. He is topless and a little bit overweight; but only in a puppy fat kind of way. He is sitting at his desk in his room. He looks happy, or arrogant. He has a 49ers flag behind him.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hi

Stranger: sup

You: you use this thing often?

Stranger: when im bored

Stranger: usually after im done with a late night shift

You: is it good?

Stranger: its alright, a lot of perves

Stranger: but I like talking to the girls… mainly on this cuz my friend and I are attempting to make 300 girl friends off omegle before summer ends

Stranger: a lil competition

You: so how does the competition work?

Stranger: well we talk to the girls and get to know them

Stranger: then we ask if they have a snapchat

Stranger: we give them our users and they snapchat us

Stranger: some of the chicks on here are hella thirsty

You: what are your success rates so far?

Stranger: im at about 100

Stranger: girls like the Asian persuasion plus I make them laugh

You: what are your tactics?

Stranger: gotta be smooth

Stranger: funny

Stranger: plus i good looking

You: why do you do it?

Stranger: we get some girls to take their shirts off or flash us haha

Stranger: but mainly talk

Stranger: cus we trying to reach 300

You: so it's like a numbers game?

Stranger: yeh one time there were 5 girls in one camera all took their shirts off

Stranger: they had abs

Stranger: I don't even have abs yet

Stranger: plus its cool to meet new people who aren't like hella gay and are swag fags

Stranger: watch out for the dudes jacking off too no bueno

You: lots of them around?

Stranger: this cite is mainly dudes

Stranger: lucky if you get a girl

You: any girls on here “jack off” to the camera?

Stranger: I wish lol

You: why not?

Stranger: actually there was one

Stranger: the dude was screwing his gf

Stranger: and they were both looking at me

You: was it real?

Stranger: through the camera yea….

You: why do you think there aren’t as many girls?

You: on this site?

Stranger: actually theres a lot

Stranger: but most of them wannna see dick

You: you think?

Stranger: yea anyways

Stranger: i got some hunting to do

Stranger: later

Stranger has disconnected.

Follow Oscar on Twitter: @oscarschwartz 

Talking to other strangers online:

I Talked Books to Bros On Chatroulette

I Found Smoking Buddies In the Seshroulette Wasteland

The Chatroulette Alarm Clock