David Roth
David Roth is a former VICE Sports staff writer.
All-Star Weakened
For All-Star Weekend, the NBA will wrap all the good stuff—the awesome basketball stuff—in lucrative, sponsored artificiality, so that no one would ever possibly care about it.
The Mercy Rule - Linfinite Narcissism
Lin's critics aren't as racist as they've made themselves look. They're just obsessed with themselves and their Provocative and Fearless Opinions.
The Linsanity Defense
It's a favorite trope among certain types of sportswriters to compare various NBA basketball players to one pickup game archetype or another.
Meet the Super Bowl’s Sociopaths
In the interest of helping you enjoy the football-related portion of Super Bowl Sunday more, here is what you need to know about the two teams involved.
My NBA Hipsterism Problem, And Ours
Considering its fan base is comprised of eight-year-old kids, the NBA is not the semi-secret thing that the hipsters would seek out, stake out, overrate, and claim as their own.
Leave Tim Tebow Alone!
It is better to let Tebow be the thoroughly outmatched quarterback he is than to turn him into a humped-to-death abstraction. Not even someone with his baffling passing mechanics deserves that.
The NCAA Is a Donut Burger
To a cosmopolite elite like me, big-time college football looks like a transparently un-consumable Paula Deen donut burger. For others it is delicious enough to justify the diabetes-sweats it brings.
Sorry, You’re Going To Beef ‘O’ Brady’s
The bowl system might not be good, but its reflection of the status quo's broad, braying rottenness is pretty much perfect.
David Stern Blocks Trades Like a Boss
Periodically, someone pops off with an NBA-related slavery metaphor, and everyone gets pissy. A more effective metaphor is that NBA players, like you and me, work for shitty bosses.
Donald Sterling, Human Cold Sore
Donald Sterling is a real estate billionaire of a notably porny bent who looks like a Milk Dud that has had Botox, and who was born without the capacity for shame.
Commercials Are Fucking Terrifying
The average NFL commercial break is television's crowning insult to the notion of our shared humanity.
The Mercy Rule - Enjoy Your Robot Turkey
Americans will probably spend Thanksgiving--or at least the portion of it preceding and following the ritual power-eating of yams and fibrous turkey meat--much the way we spend the rest of our days.