Brett Gelman
"Motorola Queen"
Here are the lyrics to the long-lost classic “Motorola Queen” by the completely unknown white 80s hip-hop artist, Rat Tail, whose current whereabouts are unknown. It was transcribed from a cassette tape discovered last November, wrapped in a ball of...
Listen to Rat Tail's Debut Single "Introducing Rat Tail"
Earlier this month, we shared with you the lyrics to the mysterious rapper Rat Tail's lost classic "Introducing Rat Tail." Today Rat Tail's whereabouts are unknown, but his music lives on. Thanks to us, you can stream the legendary rapper's debut track...
A Chat with Janicza Bravo (and Brett Gelman) About Her New Short Starring Michael Cera in a Wheelchair
Janicza’s new short 'Gregory Go Boom' stars Michael Cera as a wheelchair-bound dorkface and Brett Gelman as his older degenerate brother. It’s funny and slightly depressing, and you can watch the whole thing here. A couple weeks back I chatted with J&B...
Laugh Pig Laugh
Two hours later: Regret. So much regret. There’s blood all over me. Not my blood. Chicken blood, or so they say. I don’t know where anyone gets all this chicken blood from, and the whole enterprise is definitely far from kosher.
Dirty Laundry
This one’s difficult. Used to be my best friend. My mentor, really. Taught me everything I know about the business. Helped me get my first assistant’s job with Billy Wilder. Then the white dragon set him on fire. And before I knew it, I was his own...
White Lie/Black Fly
Goddamn method actors. I hired one to do this sci-fi flick I’m producing called "White Lie/Black Fly." The crew tells me the actress has been crawling up walls, jumping on people, and even eating caca. She’s gotta tone it down or we’re going to have 5...
Jarble Jerble
The ganef has the chutzpah to belt me in the face. He lays me back in my stunned state and tries to shove the pool net up my tukhus. I tighten my hole like it’s holding onto a hundred-dollar bill.
Make the Book Cook
I mean what I say, and I say what I mean. That’s the way you really rise to the top.
Smart as a Rabbi
I’ve seen dead bodies before, but this is going to be rough. This one is going to sting right where my foreskin used to be.
That's Tokyo Town
He might have the glow of a Nazi, but he hates himself just like a good Jewish boy should.
Tropical Dream
These photos were found in a Wendy's men's room in Barstow, California, along with additional handwritten chapters from Brett Gelman's novel Toupee.