MASTURBATION
The Jerkoff Diaries: Part III
I have been having a little trouble with the one part of 50 Cent's no masturbation plan I thought would be the easiest. I am noticing myself wanting to turn around and check out the asses of women I pass on the street. Not cool. But true.
Ladies, You Need to Masturbate. From a Girl Who Didn’t for the First 26 Years of Her Life
As Sandy hysteria hit New York last Sunday and everyone scrambled to hurricane-proof their lives, I kept getting text message after text message offering the same advice: Don’t forget to buy batteries!
The Jerkoff Diaries: Part II
I honestly have no idea what blueballs are or whether they exist at all, scientifically speaking. But on Saturday I experienced something that may have been them. Saturday morning started unusually. With a blowjob from my wife. Well, almost a blowjob...
The Jerkoff Diaries
My back hurts. My eyes are dry. And my neck is tighter than my asshole. The only thing more embarrassing than blogging (BLOGGING!) about trying to stop masturbating is blogging about being constipated from not masturbating.
This Week in Florida - Citrus Herpes, Pill Doctor Sex Parties, and Some Good News for Once
In 2000, in a supposed effort to curb the spread of a fruit-blemishing disease called canker, the Department of Agriculture sent Citrus Stormtroopers to bully their way into citizens’ yards and cut down their citrus trees regardless of whether or not...
TIFF 2012 Celebrity Stalk-Off
TIFF means film premieres, celebrities, and, most importantly, celebrity stalkers. In the spirit of the festival we sent two interns to stalk their favorite stars, Ryan Gosling and Marisa Tomei. They came back with harrowing tales of close encounters...
The Wanking Deaf Vs. Jehovah's Witnesses
By now you've probably seen the Jehovah's Witnesses' warning video to horny deaf people. The video is essentially a couple of different signers emotively pleading with the viewer not to crack one off. Curious as to what the church has against deaf...
The Vapors
The Vapors made a name for themselves with their popular 1980 single "Turning Japanese" and though frontman David Fenton has always denied rumors of the innuendo behind it, the song will probably always be known as a euphemism for self-pleasuring.
I’m a Homo but I Loved Having Sex with This Robotic Pussy
I lay on my couch, naked, staring at the RealTouch and reminiscing about the one time I tried to have sex with a vagina, my erection deflated like a popped balloon the moment my friend Kelly put on a cowboy hat and pressed my dick against her baby hole.
Kony 2012: Part Two – There's a New Invisible Children Film out
Will Invisible Children go highbrow, or will they cry into the camera while screaming about the devil?
Public Hair
Yesterday there was a pretty girl sitting with her girlfriends in front of my wife and me at a movie and most of the time all I could see of her was her hair. When you were sitting behind girls in classrooms in grade school, their hair could drive you...