Barely Legal: Jessie Andrews Is a Jack-of-All-Trades

When I first saw Jessie Andrews doing sexy naked stuff on film, it blew my mind. Everything about her performance seemed so honest, refreshing, and visually stunning. She is only 20-years-old and started in the industry as soon as she turned 18, which to me exudes an enormous amount of confidence and drive. I was delighted to drill my giant, veiny, rock-hard questions into her precious, tight, wet brain. Full story

How to Get a Girl to Shit on Your Chest

Someone emailed me asking for advice so…

Human sexuality is a fascinating thing. Sometimes it can be compromising to our health and safety, sometimes it can be mind-blowingly euphoric, and sometimes it can be fully imbued with the act of taking a shit. Full story

Girl Eats Placenta

Placenta Encapsulation Is the New Black

When my very pregnant friend called recently to tell me that she had arranged for her placenta to be encapsulated and invited me to come watch the whole process, it was a dream come true. I had been dropping subtle hints to her for months. Full story

Fun with Drugs in Border Cities!

One interesting thing about living next to the international checkpoint separating Canada from Detroit is that you always have to strategize your drug plan before going out. In high school, my friends and I liked going to concerts on Woodward Avenue. We also liked smoking weed an… Full story

Myths About Science Education

Why Is There a Distinction Between Science, Art, and Religion?

Recently I decided to go back to school to study science, and, astoundingly, most people I’ve crossed paths with have been enormous dicks about it. Even the secretary at the office of the registrar said, “Science? How do you know you want to study science? Science is hard, you kn… Full story

A Sweatshop of One's Own

An Exploration of Post-Slave-Labor American Fashion

What if the crap-manufacturing industry collapses and all of the indentured servants the US employs there are no longer able to produce cheaply manufactured garments? What atrocities would Americans be forced to wear? To illustrate this predicament, I made my own wardrobe from sc… Full story

My Favorite Disease, Noma

Brace yourselves. A lot of you will probably hate the photos you’re about to see in this article, but they’re not meant to make you feel sad and scared; they’re meant to make you understand something cool about your stupid face. Full story

How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vagina

It has come to my attention that a lot of grown-ass women out there have yet to experience an orgasm, which makes me want to jump off a cliff on to a bed of sharpened dildos. Orgasms are important, and you need to be able to make yourself come. I know it can be frustrating, but y… Full story

Let's Colonize Outer Space

NASA Needs to Get a Little More Reckless, Starting with Me

I would like to donate my ova to NASA so that they can raise babies in a highly controlled environment, see how human physiology changes over time/in weird circumstances, and help us get on track to colonize Mars. Full story

Motivational Hemorrhoids

When Life Hands You Hemorrhoids…?

Say you’re in a relationship and you start feeling isolated because you have needs that the other person just doesn’t understand. Don’t let it fester in your asshole until it starts prolapsing and bleeding out of control. Tackle it right away. Full story