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      Thomas Morton

      By Thomas Morton Jun 9, 2015

      Cohen for a Spritz

      Cohen is promoting his fourth novel, second-drafting his fifth, and sitting on some five books of collected short stories and nonfiction, and he's 34. Yeesh is right.

      By Thomas Morton Jun 9, 2015
      By Thomas Morton May 4, 2014

      How Fucked Are Nukes?

      Are you scared of getting nuked? If you asked me that now, I'd say, "Not hugely." But if you had asked me that when I was around ten, I would have been sobbing before you even finished the question.

      By Thomas Morton May 4, 2014
      By Thomas Morton May 2, 2014

      Kazakh Charm Defensive

      Tonight on the HBO show we're hanging out with a bunch of Kazakhs whose genes were irreversibly fucked by the 450-odd nukes the Soviet Union set off in their backyard. But I'd like to talk about something even more dangerous than nuclear radiation: tradit…

      By Thomas Morton May 2, 2014
      By Thomas Morton Apr 11, 2014

      The Wages of Boredom (It's Death!)

      The Christian doomsday community has a mantra—"we are living in exciting times"—which helps compensate for the fact that most of their personal lives are dull as dirt. Unfortunately for the rest of us, to fight their boredom they've decided to pay right-w…

      By Thomas Morton Apr 11, 2014
      By Thomas Morton Apr 7, 2014

      The Most Evil Thing I Own

      Nothing ups the value of a run-of-the-mill kitchen implement or piece of clothing like someone dying all over it. It's like smearing it with interesting butter. And—as with ghosts—the eviler the person who died on it, the heavier the smear.

      By Thomas Morton Apr 7, 2014
      By Thomas Morton Apr 4, 2014

      I Fraught in a War

      Syria's Kurds won the war against Assad, which means now they get to fight al Qaeda and al Nusra. I spent approximately an hour at the front lines of this battle royale, and let me just say, no thank you.

      By Thomas Morton Apr 4, 2014
      By Thomas Morton Sep 23, 2013

      Heroin Holiday - Trailer

      Every August, while Europe's desk jockeys shut off their phones and head to the beach, the junkies of Prague set up camp in the poppy fields outside the city for a vacation of their own. For one glorious month, there are no cops to run from, no dealers to…

      By Thomas Morton Sep 23, 2013
      By Thomas Morton May 31, 2013

      The $wiftest Pigeon - Trailer

      What is the sound of 1 million yuan flapping? China's spoiled young princelings have taken arguably the worst bird of all time, the pigeon, and slapped a Louis Vuitton logo on it. Racing pigeons are the new thoroughbreds here, with birds auctioning for hu…

      By Thomas Morton May 31, 2013
      By Thomas Morton May 23, 2013

      Tobaccoland

      The tobacco industry in Indonesia is virtually unregulated. The result? Over two-thirds of all men are smokers, and it is commonplace for children as young as six to take up the habit. Tobacco is a $100 billion industry here, with TV and print ads everywh…

      By Thomas Morton May 23, 2013
      By Thomas Morton May 17, 2013

      The Fat Farms of Mauritania

      In Mauritania, a country crippled by food shortages, obesity is viewed as a sign of wealth and prestige in a woman. To attain Mauritanian standards of beauty, many women undergo the practice of 'gavage,' or "fattening up."

      By Thomas Morton May 17, 2013
      By Thomas Morton Apr 4, 2013

      West African Truckers

      The truck driver holds a mythic stature in American music, from the hayseed hagiographies of Slim Jacobs to the liner notes of Big Black's 'Songs About Fucking.' There aren't many songs about African truckers, but they are no less champions of industry th…

      By Thomas Morton Apr 4, 2013