Not every four-legged furball is destined to be your new best friend. As anyone who’s met an aggressive pet can tell you, animals can be total assholes. Snarling dogs, hissing cats, vicious hamsters, possessive roosters; we’ve seen it all. Some obnoxious pets draw blood with their fangs and claws. Others grate nerves by either destroying property, emitting foul smells or barking at ear-splitting volumes.
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We asked friends and co-workers to sum up the most irritating pet they’ve come across in six words. Here’s what they said.“Cousin’s temperamental, sociopathic iguana pooped everywhere.” - Jerry, 28"Friend’s Boxer that apparently 'resented women.'" - Katie, 25"Every single god damn Chihuahua. Ever." - Beckett, 25"Large bird I birdsat shit everywhere." - Peter, 23"Obese three-legged cat bit dad." - Kara, 28“Roommate's ferret always licked my feet.” - Jessica, 41
“A colleague's spaghetti-eating parakeet.” - Sara, 39“Goldfish jumped out of bowl, died.” - Shari, 46“A dog bit my friend's crotch.” - Aimee, 30“Petsitting for dog who ate bras.” - Tina, 37“Bruce the diaper-eating wiener dog.” - Jen, 35“Stinky weaselly ferret loved stealing Kotex.” - Kirche, 55"Cat refused to use litter box." - Jessica, 26“Rescue kitten pooped worms then escaped.” - Katherine, 34“Grandpa’s dog herded sheep into ocean.” - Kenny, 33“My cat takes nasty loose shits.” - Joey, 31“Cannibalistic gerbil ate his dead brother.” - Olivia, 27“Hamster bit anytime I touched it.” - Paul, 23“Dog loved to pee on pillows." - Willow, 23"Roommate had snakes. I hate snakes!" - Ty, 25
“Dog bit me on my birthday.” - Sarra, 25“Bulldog devoured chocolate cake; he’s fine.” - Kate, 27“Had smelly, high-maintenance ferret in college” - Julius, 33“Grandma’s rooster terrorized us as kids.” - Billy, 34“A miniature schnauzer attacked my face.” - Darcy, 33
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“Violent cocker spaniel killed pet birds.” - Kim, 32“Cat used my face as springboard.” - Adam, 30“Asshole rabbit chewed through wires, cables.” - Eric, 35“Girlfriend’s dog rips pungent, powerful farts.” - Tara, 32“The dog named after Disney's Pluto.” - Allegra, 25“Woke up: cat biting belly button.” - Brittany, 27“Cat enemas were a monthly expense.” - Jennifer, 43“Past-life serial killer Siamese cat.” - Beth, 36“Neighbour's puppy shat on my feet.” - Vartika, 25"All cats. Fuck 'em. They suck." - Genevieve, 24Follow Anna Goldfarb on Twitter.