Now You Can Wear George Constanza's Face on Your Body

A weekly roundup of anything fashion-related that's made us excited about having bodies that we can dress with clothes.

HOT TOPIC RELEASES IT'S STRONGEST T-SHIRT TO DATE

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And you thought those pre-popped double collar polo shirts were the douchiest tee you could buy. This shirt actually manages to outdo those ones with headphones printed on them, in terms of saying “why do I need girls and drugs in my nights out? I’ve got subwoofers”. It makes those Technics ones you can buy at HMV look like naval slashed £300 Dior numbers (although the Junglist Massive ones will never go out of style). How did people who wear glasses kill Dubstep anyway? If anything, people who wear T-shirts like this killed Dubstep. Not content with modelling a shirt that should warrant a mandatory custodial sentence, the date-rape Tyson Beckford modelling them also has a tattoos of a microphone, some musical notes and the word “Hollywood”. Makes you wonder if he provided the tattooist with a bootleg copy of Windows 95 Clip Art for inspiration.

SNEAKERPEDIA

If you didn’t already get this: Sneakerpedia is Wikipedia for sneakers. If you’re into rare trainers, trust us when we say that the rarest of the rare are certain to get a mention on here, while the rest of the world lives on in ignorance to even their existence. Launched by Footlocker, it’s a community driven sports and fashion sneaker resource that asks users to contribute information about their myriad kicks, creating the most comprehensive online footwear catalogue known to man.

Now there’s no better way to #boast about your trainers to fellow enthusiasts or get serious sneaker-envy over some of the most exclusive footwear on the planet. You can also win shit, which is always good. VICE’s own sneakerhead Dylan has been writing blogs for the site too, if you weren’t convinced yet. Whether your footwear of choice is an old beaten up pair of Reeboc Classics or some crazy-ass Nike ID’s, Sneakerpedia is full of people who want to see pictures of what they look like. In the least creepy way possible.

DROP DEAD

Fashion is a fickle transient horrible thing (but I love it), and as you can see from tidbit #1 this week, getting a graphic t-shirt right can be kind of tricky. Still, to soothe your eyes after that fashion travesty, we present you with Drop Dead, a clothing brand that makes lots of other great stuff apart from the graphic printed t-shirts, but those t-shirts are what they’re known for, and that’s because they’re amazing. K?

Drop Dead aren’t afraid to piss off teachers the world over, by printing words your parents would be ashamed to hear you say, all over your clothes. But to be honest mum, since Vivienne Westwood did it, it’s been the coolest thing of all time. Plus, they’re clever about it, retaining an element of cute while still being outwardly confrontational. Kind of like someone throwing a fluffy, yet panicked and sharp-clawed kitten directly at your face. While their outerwear is rather less controversial (put on, feel swanky, don’t remove until summer) the t-shirts include styles like the Mickey Mouse “Facemelter” which just happens to be my personal favourite. Who wouldn’t want to frighten kids with that on the bus in the morning?

YAWN, MORE FAKE DESIGNER SLUMLORD SHIT

Have you ever wanted to dress like a burglar while still giving off a sense of fashion awareness; like Ronnie Biggs after being kicked through Shoreditch? I used to too. That was until I discovered these balaclavas; they keep me hidden from the feds while I can batter the elderly, all the time keeping me fashionable and on trend. To complete the fierce look I match it with a pair of leather shorts and big military boots, it’s a look that scares the shit out of strangers.

Nah, I’m kidding, these things are gormlessly whack. The balaclava was never a noble garment but these things are like condoms, and there’s no doubt they will be covering up some dicks. You could look like Jessie J and I’d still prefer to talk to you over someone wearing a LUXY MaSK. Although in hindsight I'm willing to bet she has like seven of her own.

A few months back, and it hurts to say, but there’s a chance I could have fallen for this shit. The momentum of comme des fuckdown almost had me. I thank my stars that I didn’t get swept up. Granted it’s cold, but I’d prefer to freeze with some dignity rather than keep warm in one of these monstrosities.

GEORGE COSTANZA COUTURE Are you female? Have you been longing for me – this faceless set of typing fingers – to be madly and obsessively in love you? Well, you're in luck, because all you need to do is buy this dress covered in pictures of George Costanza's face, wear it as a top and act kind of neurotic and socially awkward around me. Bonus points if your coffee table is sporting an "uncased vagina ashtray" from Erin Pearce (the girl who made the dress). Nothing gets me going more than discontinued television characters and ceramic genitals.

Catch up on last week's Fashion Tidbits