One Way Ticket To Hull And Back: Reviewing The Football League Play-Offs

With the Football League play-offs now over, three promotions have been secured. The most epic of battles have been fought in the giant corporate arena of Wembley Stadium and – with the sound of Now That's What I Call Music! 93 blaring out from the giant tannoys overhead – Sheffield Wednesday, Millwall and Plymouth Argyle have been vanquished, while Hull, Barnsley and AFC Wimbledon have emerged victorious.

The play-offs may be innately cruel and capricious, but nobody can deny that they've been entertaining. Here are five talking points from the weekend's action, starting with the Championship play-off final (i.e. the most lucrative football match on earth).

If you're not excited about Steve Bruce returning to the Premier League, you are an enemy of the beautiful game. Okay, so maybe that's a slight exaggeration; Bruce's brand of prosaic, head-above-water football isn't exactly easy on the eye, even if it was enough to get Hull past Sheffield Wednesday on Saturday afternoon. While he's had some successes in the top flight, Bruce certainly doesn't guarantee Premier League survival in the way that kindred managerial spirits like Sam Allardyce and Tony Pulis can.

Nonetheless, he's a bloody lovely bloke, and we won't hear a bad word said about him.

With a face like a ruddy, pink plum and the voice of a passing cloud, Bruce is the imaginary friend that every Geordie child wants to have. If he ever retires from football management, he should take up voice acting and throw his hat in the ring to become the narrator of a revamped Byker Grove. He's honest as the day is long, he's tough but fair, he's that uncle who has one too many sherries at a wedding and has to be bundled home in the back of a hastily arranged black cab. Plus, he's the author of three football novels called Sweeper!, Defender! and Striker!, which is possibly the most absurd and joyful fact the world has ever known.

While Hull will most likely find themselves struggling against the drop next season, it's good to have our Brucey back. Sure, he'll probably have to watch Robert Snodgrass, Tom Huddlestone and co. take an absolute pasting at the Emirates, Old Trafford and so on, but at least he'll do so with good grace and the whimsical chuckle of a man who's lived life to the fullest.

If Hull are going to survive next season, they'll have to sort out their problems off the pitch. As Crystal Palace, Swansea and (most obviously) Leicester have shown us over the last few seasons, unity between players and fans can be the difference between failure and success. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to achieve the necessary unity when a club's hierarchy tries to dick about with its name, its shirts and, in essence, its heritage.

'Tigers'. It's sad that someone at the club made sure the kit didn't have 'Hull City' on it. They must be proud. pic.twitter.com/1tXTsLXK9x
— Hull City Kits (@HullCityKits) May 29, 2016

In stark contrast to their last appearance at Wembley, there were swathes of empty seats in the Hull end on Saturday. This didn't go unnoticed amongst columnists and commentators, with those closest to the club diagnosing a self-inflicted wound. Attempts to make Hull more marketable have caused a major rift between ownership and support. Chairman Assem Allam has been dogged in his pursuit of a rebrand as the "Hull Tigers", a move which has angered many and somewhat taken the gloss off the team's promotion.

A lot of empty seats in the Hull end at Wembley today… #HCAFC pic.twitter.com/Is7F5lJP7L
— Football Away Days (@FBAwayDays) May 28, 2016

If they are going to win back their disillusioned supporters, the ownership would do well to quietly concede that the "Hull Tigers" sobriquet would do more harm than good. The reality is that Hull City is a proud, doughty and profoundly unfashionable club. It is a true community asset, which relies on its loyal fanbase. It is not going to accrue a massive international following because it has a catchy new name. Meanwhile, attempts to impose that catchy new name are almost certain to alienate its core support.

For a club that has worked tirelessly to combat its reputation for hooliganism, the negative headlines surrounding Millwall's play-off loss to Barnsley are a real ball-ache for the south London side. After the Lions crashed to a 3-1 defeat on Sunday, a group of Millwall fans appeared to force their way through a line of stewards and towards the opposition support, sparking pandemonium in Wembley's upper tier.

And so that old cliché becomes appropriate: the game was marred by a small minority of idiots.

Millwall fans broke through police barrier and charging after Barnsley supporters pic.twitter.com/57u1EjBTh3
— Football Away Days (@footyawayday) May 29, 2016

While there were no serious injuries in the scuffles which followed, the incident was still enough to prompt swift condemnation from the FA and a series of unedifying articles about the club. All in all, it's a cause for much eye rolling, with a couple of exaggerated sighs thrown in for good measure.

Unfortunately, this is exactly the sort of thing which sets the club back in its effort to attract new fans. That's a serious problem for Millwall, and could have major repercussions long after the big-game hard men have slunk off down Wembley Way.

If anyone needs proof of how a club can succeed when it has the full and unwavering support of its fans, then look no further than AFC Wimbledon. Their 2-0 victory over Plymouth on Monday was well deserved, and secured a sixth promotion in 14 years. Having been forced to start from scratch in the summer of 2002, their rise through the leagues has been nothing short of meteoric.

WATCH: "A goal that has promotion written all over it". What a parting gift this could be from Akinfenwa. https://t.co/zivVPnoD03
— Football League (@SkySportsFL) May 30, 2016

The Dons are fan-owned, fan-organised and fan-led. They have a strong volunteer culture, and incredibly proactive supporters. More than anything, they live up to their reputation as a community club; few football teams have so cohesive an identity.

Though the fan ownership model will be put to the test in League One, the Dons have a history of overachievement. With a new ground on the horizon and double headers against clubs like Coventry, Bolton and Charlton Athletic to look forward to next season, there are very exciting times ahead.

While Wimbledon's promotion will be greeted with huge excitement in south-west London, it might not go down so well in Milton Keynes. MK Dons have just been relegated from the Championship and, as such, AFC Wimbledon will now play in the same league as the club which usurped its name (and third-tier status) upon its foundation in 2004.

The saga of the old Wimbledon's rebrand as the MK Dons is long and arduous, but one thing's for certain: there will be no love lost when the two sides meet later this year. While younger fans might consider the match to be a sort of derby, many older AFC Wimbledon fans refuse to recognise the legitimacy of the club they pejoratively call: "Franchise".

With one set of fans refusing to recognise the others' right to being, clashes between the two clubs have a profound air of existentialism. Do the MK Dons exist? If not, do the matches they participate in really happen? Are their players grounded in actuality, or are they figments of our subconscious? It's all very confusing. We just don't know anymore.

@W_F_Magee