YouTube Channel of the Week #28: JoshuaArmstrong.co.uk

YouTube is probably the greatest anthropological project ever launched. It has managed to expose the multitudes of the human condition more than any other medium ever created, and allowed people to express themselves in more diverse ways than at any point in history. This weekly column is an outlet for me to share with you some undiscovered gems, as well some very well-trodden gems, and discuss just what it is that makes the chosen accounts so intriguing.

WHO: JoshuaArmstrong.co.uk
WHAT: A fairly vulgar muscular tease.
HOW MANY SUBSCRIBERS AT TIME OF WRITING: 7,247
WHY SHOULD I CARE: Man, when I found Joshua Armstrong's page on someone else's Facebook I jumped for joy, I'll tell you that for free. It has all the hallmarks of your standard YouTube Channel of the Week: low subscriber count, obscure subject, small but loyal fanbase, and, of course, a star.

Joshua Armstrong's YouTube acts as a kind of trailer centre for his website, which is the namesake of the channel. He describes himself in his "about" page as "The naughtiest, cockiest and hottest muscle hunk" and, to be fair, he lives up to it, for the most part. His website is what I imagine most solo porn blokes' sites to look like – an introduction video, deals on downloads, blurred-out knobs, the works. His work sees him covered in shower suds, handcuffed with a Superman logo painted on his chest, snuggled up in bed, hypnotised, as a jock, a mentor, Santa Claus, sniffing poppers and doing balloons. He's a muscly flirt for every occasion, and he wants you to know he's a big arrogant bastard who works out and is better than you.

And yet, there's something about him, something about his face that I don't buy as a prick. Sure, he's muscly and looks like he was created in the sweaty, screaming nightmares of a Magic: the Gathering player hospitalised after a particularly perineum-burning wedgie, but he has a sweetness to him, a kindness in his eyes. This isn't to say that the sexual attraction of his jock role doesn't work for its intended audience, but for the observer he just seems like a nice lad with great abs.

Head to his website, and you're sure to find some X-rated videos of Mr. Armstrong jerking off and what have you. But because there's no nudity on his YouTube channel, for obvious reasons, the videos take on a different mantle, and become a little bit silly. I want to be careful in saying that, not because I think he'll crush my brain betwixt his pectoral muscles, but because I don't want to mock his trade. Joshua Armstrong is trying to make a buck with his abs and his dick, and fair play to him. It takes a lot of work to maintain a physique like that, and I say that as someone who routinely feels like they're going to have a heart attack every time they do one arduous yank of the rowing machine handle.

And his fans (almost exclusively men) seem to love it. Jez D says "Will ALWAYS be on your side mate!", while Kyle Patrick says, on the video "Lovely Leather Gloves", "If I were to ever walk down the street and you grabbed me from behind and [tried] to rape me, I wouldn't even fight back. I would feel honored (sic) to have your cock in my mouth and ass." He also age gates his videos, perhaps to save the kids from the vile language and adult themes, or maybe to add an even greater air of naughtiness to it.

This friendly, muscly northern scally is, in my opinion, a top guy. He provides a great service to the horned-up perverts of the internet world in a more chaste way than your usual 20-odd minutes on PornHub, but less chaste than watching someone hold an orange with a white velour glove or something weird like that (or ASMR). Just a lot of chat, a lot of flexing, a lot of shine and a lot of love.

@joe_bish

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