"The Star-Spangled Banner" is a tough song to sing, but someone has to sing it before every sporting event, at every level, in these United States. At every dirt track race, at every South Atlantic League baseball game, at every professional bowling event, someone is tasked with singing this nearly impossible song while everyone stands and watches them do it. It's not easy, and navigating its shifts and sadistically high key and weird phrasings is a lot to ask of even a professional singer. Still, it cannot possibly be as difficult as Vince Neil—once the lead singer for Motley Crue, and now a horny soup dumpling filled with Cialis and Monster energy drink—made it look while singing it before the first home game of the Arena Football League's Las Vegas Outlaws.There is no explaining or justifying the artistic choices that Neil makes starting at around 4:50 in the video above. There is the decision to bark out "here we go!" like he's about to sing "Too Fast For Love" before spending the next minute-plus doing the musical equivalent of falling down the stairs. There are the little burps of arena rock phrasing that periodically burble up. There is the pacing, which at first is that of a nervous Bar Mitzvah boy negotiating a Torah portion and then accelerates so much that it renders one of the most familiar songs in American life something more like Malaysian beat poetry. There's the part where he clearly says "who the perilous fight," and there is, especially, the little abortive jump at the end of it. There is all of that, but there is no explaining any of that.There is, also, the promise that this carnage is just the beginning. Neil is a co-owner of the Outlaws, and his vision for "rock and roll football" can only be described as Exactly What Vince Neil Would Want In A Football Team, Sadly. There is a pronounced emphasis on cheerleaders; there is a ginned-up rivalry with the L.A. Kiss, another Arena League team owned by a suspiciously poreless rock-and-roll figure. On opening night, Carrot Top oversaw the coin toss, with the assistance of suitable props."We'll have T-shirt tosses every time there's a break," Neil vowed to the Las Vegas Sun's Robin Leach. "And, if necessary, I'll have little people doing zip-line rides across the field." While it's reassuring to know that Neil will only do this if and when it becomes absolutely necessary, there is still reason for concern. Pray for Las Vegas. This will be a perilous fight.H/T to @CSTBTweet