The World's Craziest Days

Throughout civilization chaos has never been too far away. From the Caesars to Ghenghis Khan and Ivan the Terrible, history is just one big odyssey of craziness. Somehow, amidst the sea of insanity, men and women have managed to successfully carry on the human race by finding ways to attract each other. Although it's easy to look back and criticize the senseless ancient love rituals that used to be commonplace (like bride stealing), you should probably consider some of the most chaotic days that still go on, and how they double as wicked human mating festivals.

Black Friday

Black Friday might just be the perfect embodiment of chaos in today's society. Also known as 'People Getting Trampled at Department Stores,' Black Friday has become an opportunity for seemingly normal people to shed their humanity and give in to craziness. It's safe to assume that if you saw some hottie pepper-spraying other shoppers to get a great bargain you'd quickly fall in love with her and her determination to rule the department store. Haven't you always dreamed of a woman who fights dirty?

Running of the Bulls, Spain

Nothing says "look how attractive I am" to the opposite sex quite like getting gored and crushed to death by a 1500 pound bull. Despite countless injuries and a whole bunch of deaths, there's no shortage of people looking to put their bravado on display and trying to get o-laid during this annual celebration of chaos in Pamplona, Spain.

Steampunk Festival

This festival of craziness groups together a large number of people who have a fondness for steam-powered technology and dressing like they've taken acid and stumbled into the gothic version of the industrial revolution. Besides the wild music that plays, there's a healthy amount of sexy Victorian corsets with lady-skin littered all over the place.

Burning Man

Over a week long and with roughly 50,000 participants, you'd be hard pressed not to meet that special someone at Burning Man with whom to have a 70's era hippy 'whoopie' with. This mayhem-filled week is the closest thing to Woodstock for our generation and is perfect for anyone looking to get naked in public, covered in body paint, and ride a bicycle through a 100+ degree desert. Sweating bodies and homage to the 70's equals bad (aka good) decisions. Oh, and at the end of the festival, some big man-shaped pile of wood gets set on fire and everyone loses it.

Orange Fight in Ivrea, Italy

While it might not seem like it, a giant orange battle can serve as the perfect bonding experience for couples looking to exercise teamwork by violently throwing oranges into the faces of complete strangers. Or maybe you can go all kindergarten, and barrage your crush with oranges until she decides to run away with you into the romantic Italian countryside. Either way, it's like a giant orange-juice based wet t-shirt contest.

Valentine's day

While relatively tame by global standards, Valentine's day earns its place in the chaos books, because every year couples are forced to endure the hair-pulling stresses of running around town trying to find the perfect gift that'll hopefully get them closer to their loved one's genitals. Not to mention the anxiety that Valentine's Day causes teenage boys who frantically scavenge malls looking at oversized teddy bears and kitschy jewelry to keep them getting action. Our suggestion: skip all that and get her some AXE Anarchy for Her.

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