Jamie Taete's Internet Landfill

WORLD'S LEAST COOL BLACK PEOPLE DISCOVERED

These are ads made by the snappily titled "Office of National Drug Control Policy/Partnership for a Drug-free America" to try and show kids how cool it is to not smoke weed. Seriously guys? That's the best you could come up with? You want us to stop smoking weed, and you think you're gonna do that with a girl that dresses like Fergie circa 2002 rather than what the “fashion mags” are saying is “hot this month”? Snoop Dogg and Seth Rogen smoke weed. They are the coolest dawgs ON EARTH (note: sarcasm), and you think you're gonna win us over with a girl who looks visibly uncomfortable while using ebonics as mild as "old school"? Try harder.

This one has a point though. You definitely shouldn't lend your car to a person who doesn't have a brain.

DISNEY ATTEMPTING TO FIGURE OUT IN UTERO MARKETING

Feeling as though they haven't corrupted our children quite enough already, The Walt Disney Corporation has decided to extend their marketing to newborn babies. From The New York Times:

"Late last month, the company quietly began pressing its newest priority, Disney Baby, in 580 maternity hospitals in the United States. A representative visits a new mother and offers a free Disney Cuddly Bodysuit, a variation of the classic Onesie.

In bedside demonstrations, the bilingual representatives extol the product’s bells and whistles — extra soft! durable! better sizing! — and ask mothers to sign up for e-mail alerts from DisneyBaby.com. More than 200,000 bodysuits will be given away by May…

“If ever there was an opportunity for a trusted brand to enter a market and provide a better product and experience, it’s this,” said Robert A. Iger, chief executive of Disney. “I’m extremely excited about it.”"

I guess all those 90s slackers that were going to work their way up the ranks at corporations and take them down from the inside are doing okay.

RICKY MARTIN TO STAR IN BLACK-TIE REMAKE OF BARBARELLA

The above photo is what Ricky Martin wore to The Grammys last night. Is this kind of thing going to start happening regularly since Lady Gaga invented the gay rights movement last week? Because I'd be willing to sacrifice a few rights to ensure this never happens again.

CELEBRATE VALENTINE'S DAY WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE EMOTIONS

And finally, because it's Valentine's Day, here is some lurve advice from two of my favourite dead-eyed sociopaths:

First, lets hear some tips from Katherine, author of The Single Girl's Guide to Meeting European Men. Worryingly, it seems like she is actually in a foreign place for this video. I mean sure, that foreign place appears to be Brazil, which wouldn't be my first choice when filming a promo for a book that has the word "European" right there in the title, but does that mean that she has achieved some level of success? The thought that there might be someone out there who is able to take this seriously is too much for me to handle.

Next, lets see what Kim Kardashian has to say. FYI: "famous Kardashian back-rub" = "the worst blow job you have ever received".

Also, could you hear how many people were in that room during filming? How difficult could it possibly have been to make this video? She could have at least done without whoever decided to shoot it using the "Nine Inch Nails filter".

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE