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Recently, neurologists have joined in the research. They call the disorder "xenomelia," from the Greek "xeno" (foreign) and "melos" (limb). A research team in Zurich performed brain scans on a handful of men who wanted to be amputated, and found reduced cortical thickness in the subjects' superior parietal lobes, which is the part of the brain responsible for spatial awareness and "body ownership."Still, this doesn't prove that the disorder is purely neurological. As the neurologists in question write, "It remains unclear whether the structural alterations are the cause or rather the consequence of the long-standing and pervasive mismatch between body and self." In other words, if someone constantly favors their right leg because they don't want their left one, it's possible that their brain would change to reflect that preference.While the desire for paralysis or healthy limb amputation has been part of the collective consciousness for some time now (there are even several movies about it), the desire to be blind hasn't been as visible. Recently, though, a practicing blindsimmer named Jewel Shuping captured the public's attention when she claimed to have blinded herself with drain cleaner, eventually causing enough damage to one eye that it had to be removed. (Shuping claimed a "sympathetic psychologist" helped her with the procedure, though both Dr. First and Snopes find this hard to believe.)"My sight was a prison. When I pretended to be blind, I felt free." — Jewel Shuping
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For a long time, he grappled with his desires in secret, and describes that period of his life as "lonely, fucking lonely, and strange." But then Bobby stumbled across a variety of online communities—first a group of glasses fetishists, then a blind fetish community, and then finally a group of blindsimmers themselves—and he experienced an overwhelming sense of relief."Nobody goes blindsimming because he or she thinks it is funny to pretend to be blind. They do it because they have to." — Bobby
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This urge, this itch, this lack of choice—it all begs a very difficult question. If someone has body identity integrity disorder, and if they are miserable because of it, is surgery ever an option? Is it ever OK to knowingly damage a healthy body?"People say, 'How can you make me suffer with this?'" Dr. First explained. "It's difficult telling someone that surgery shouldn't be available to them, that they'll have to live with this for the rest of their life. There's no good answer; it's a very tough situation."Dr. First is aware of 20 to 30 instances where people who longed for an amputation actually went through with medically-sanctioned surgeries—and are happier for it. With the limb gone from their body, they feel, ironically, whole. Because of this, Dr. First doesn't explicitly oppose surgery, but he lays down three conditions that must be met for the surgery to be ethical. After all, once someone goes through with the surgery, they have to live in this new-ish body forever. "Everybody's worst nightmare is that someone gets this surgery and then regrets it," he says.
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