Aussie Teen Accused of Robbery Roasts Reporters For All the World to See

A Queensland teenager has given one of the most mesmerising interviews to ever grace Australia’s free-to-air screens, joining barking dog man, Corey Worthington, Bob Katter and the chick-chick boom girl in the hallowed Australian soundbite hall of fame.

The 18 year-old was met outside a Gold Coast police watchhouse on the weekend by cameras and two reporters from Channels 9 and 7, respectively, all of whom were served the finger on sight.

“I didn’t fucking rob the store, get out of my face”, the kid said, clothed in a backwards Gucci hat and Calvin Klein tee drip, batting away the microphone. The reporters were persistent, though, with one asking, “Why’d you get arrested at the store?”

“Because I was around there ya” the kid screamed back.

The kid had been arrested the night before after allegedly robbing a local servo. Queensland Police reported the teenager had allegedly entered the servo and pulled a machete on the 48-year-old attendant, demanding money. He was arrested nearby and charged with armed robbery, as well as drug possession for the Xanax he allegedly had on his person.

Putting aside questions of why camera crews were out for an alleged local servo robbery, or why the reporters had no better stories to cover than a one-night-in-the-watchhouse experience from a teenager, you have to wonder how they kept a straight face as he doubled down on them.

“Fuck you 7 News. Fuck you 9 News” the kid yelled into the microphone.

Why the reporters didn’t just cut their losses right then and there remains a mystery. Like… Just walk away bro. But they weren’t done.

“Do you think it’s gonna look good on the news carrying on like a total knob?” one asks.

“I don’t give a FUUUUUUCK,” came the response, “I didn’t do shit so fuck off.”

Later that day, as the teen left Southport police station, the same reporters were there. One asked whether he was back for round two.

“Round two, let’s go, give me the mic,” the kid said. “I didn’t rob that store, so you guys can jam it up your arse.”

To which a gormless reporter asked him if he was on anything. Fucksakes. I didn’t know it was possible to handle this amount of second hand embarrassment, I think I’m breaking out in hives.

The real crème de la crème comes when one of the reporters asks him how his night in the watchhouse was.

“It was really good, ay, yeah, your mum came around and she visited me, and I had a pretty good time.”

When asked whether he’d be going back to the watchhouse by the other reporter, the boy was impressively quick.

“No, I’m gonna go see his mum. Then I’m gonna see your sister.”

“I don’t have a sister” came the confused response.

“But you will in nine months won’t ya?”

Radio silence. Delicious and unbearable.

“You don’t get the joke,” the kid laughed.

Robbing a servo (allegedly) with a machete (allegedly) is bad. But giving it back to ambulance-chasing reporters is a choice. For anyone who’s ever had the misfortune to witness a Current Affair episode, I just know this moment is scratching a delicious itch.

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