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"The combination of continuous money worries adds an element of tension that I imagine a middle-class family wouldn't have to worry about while coming to terms with the sexual or gender identity of a family member," James*, a gay 22-year-old Pentecostal Christian told me. Sometimes, denouncing your religion first is easier. For Emma,* 28, this was very much the case—she left the Jehovah's Witnesses before she even came out to herself. "Growing up, I knew what the consequences of coming out as gay would do to my family and congregation, so I guess I chose the coward's way out and packed my bags and didn't look back.""It was only then that I allowed myself to think about the possibility of acting on my impure thoughts. But on renouncing my faith, I lost all the friends I had grown up with. I haven't had a conversation with my sister for more than six years and only speak with my dad at family funerals," she says. "He does now allow my mom to write me the occasional letter and make the odd phone call, though, which is an improvement."It's tricky to tell if Emma left her religion because she knew she was gay and wouldn't be tolerated, or because she was sick of her religion's intolerance. But just as assumptions about people based on their sexuality is stupid, so is assuming a religious group is bigoted.Socioeconomic factors of religious groups might be much more important to acceptance of sexuality than religion.
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While Yasmin happens upon scriptures in support of her sexuality – "Islam is all about tolerance and peace. When it speaks of 'love' it's assumed to be between a man and a woman, but what it means in those hadiths is that being kind and tolerant fosters companionship and growth." James likes to "cherry-pick" parts of the scriptures that accept his sexuality. Both these individuals' beliefs and orientations are different, but both are looking for something similar, a root system, in returning to study their parents' respective religions.Professor Gregory M. Herek's 1987 paper "Religious Orientation And Prejudice: A Comparison of Racial and Sexual Values" showed that if a religion teaches tolerance, those who are "extrinsic" in their religion—i.e. the ones who "use" it—are more likely to be bigoted than the "intrinsics," who are more likely to "live" religion. In simple terms, if you say you're religious, you're more likely to be bigoted than if you do religion.Church of England canon Jeremy Pemberton came out at 50. But last year, at 58, he had his job as a priest in Nottinghamshire revoked. His crime? Marrying his same-sex partner. Jeremy agrees with the say/do theory. "I really felt like I reconciled faith and life for the first time only when I came out," he says.In the bigger picture, the church often seems to have 'problems' with LGBT people and their lives and loves, but on the ground it is much more positive.
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