How to Avoid Rushing Into a Rebound Relationship

If you are struggling with a break-up and need to talk to someone, email lovebetter@youthline.co.nz or text “lovebetter” to 234.

Break-ups are hard. You know what's harder? Finding yourself strung up on someone new who has turned out to be Not So Great and now you have to deal with another mini break-up while you're still reeling from your actual break up.

You don't need that stress, not right now, not with the world the way it is. You deserve peace. You deserve to not hitch your wagon on the first person you see with a somewhat tolerable-looking face just because you are feeling lonely. That’s a recipe for a bad time for everyone involved.

Here’s how to avoid that happening.

Don't plan too far ahead

I know that, right now, on this perfect Saturday afternoon, you are focussed on their mesmerising face (which the sun is hitting just right), and you’re feeling that perfect midway point between buzzed and wasted when everything is easy and the world is sparkly and oh my god what they just said is so funny you just want to run away into the sunset holding hands with them and never look back – I get it. That’s really cool! Just enjoy it for what it is. Do not – I repeat – do not invite them to be your +1 to your auntie’s wedding in four months. Just don’t do it, kid.

Don’t cancel on your friends 

When you enter a new whirlwind with someone novel and shiny it can be tempting to blow off plans with your friends so you can keep snogging the latest Love Of Your Life. This is dog behaviour, there is no way to sugarcoat it. 

Yes, I will revert to Year 8 level slurs if it means you stop neglecting your mates just because they’ll always be there. Don't punish them for being there for you no matter what, that’s not a fair reason to bump them a step down in the pecking order. So go to the aquarium with Jase on Friday, don’t be a dog. 

Don’t cancel on other dates 

OK this one is case by case, but if you’ve been tied down in something for a while you deserve to have some fun – that doesn’t mean you have to bang every person you meet, but it does mean shop around, enjoy meeting new people for the very act of it and not for the end goal of getting their pants off. 

Humans are endlessly fascinating creatures, and you get the chance to meet new ones every day – don’t tie your boat to the first pier you see, float around, enjoy the view. What’s the rush?

They’re a human, not a project

Cool? Got that? Are you sure? ‘Cos if you’re just looking for someone and not The One, it can be easy to slip into the mentality that this person will magically, one day, change to suit your expectation of what you want in a partner if they are not already ticking those boxes. That's a recipe for disaster, and it's a weird mind game you play to trick yourself into a relationship you are simply not meant to be in.

Don’t say I love you (too soon)

In fact, never fall in love ever again! Who needs it? Not you!!!!! No, but seriously, you will be fine – as long as you don’t say those three words after three dates. Get a hold of yourself, soldier. Drink some water. Get a grip.

Look, I’m not against the words, I love those words (see, I can say love), but I am of the old-school mentality that some words still mean something, that they shouldn't be thrown around at just anybody or during any occasion. Some phrases are just special, like “let’s get Macca’s” – see, you feel something, don’t you? It gets the blood flowing and the endorphins going. So don’t use The Words too early, and don’t wear them out.

Put down that pedestal

Oi, stop that. I see you there, placing your new forever after on that big ol’ throne of Can Do No Wrong. What is wrong with you? OK sorry, that’s mean – I think you’re great, I really do – that’s why I’m saying this, I don't want you to get hurt. 

You are great, and this new person is also great, but they're not perfect. And if you keep viewing them as such you might miss some vital red flags and end up in a situation you would have steered way clear of were your vision not impaired by the alluring rose-tinted glasses you so love to wear.

Just do you, honey

Listen, this may be the most important point of all. You are single – this is the time of your life to be self-indulgent and selfish and purely live for you and you alone. This does not mean turning into an insufferable asshole who goes so far up the self-care route that they become intolerable to be around – this does mean you pick up hobbies you've never had time for and you spend more time with your family and friends with the mental space and energy to really appreciate your time with them. 

Being single is your time, and it's gonna take someone incredibly special to take that time from you, right? You got that? You are sick – don't let any old loser walk into your life. Don't rebound. Just enjoy the ride. Love comes when you're not looking. Trust me.

This article was created in partnership with the Ministry for Social Development as part of its Love Better campaign.

Partner Content Is Paid For By An Advertiser And The Advertiser Provides Creative Direction And Feedback.

© 2023 VICE MEDIA LLC