ANTI-RIOTTOWN

Sorry for stringing you along over this whole COP15 thing. I know we filled your heads with visions of sexy rioters, rock-battered cops, and skulls being split open like that scene from

The Wall

. Well, we apologize, because it doesn't look like much of that is going to happen again any time soon. An ever-so-clever piece of legislature called the "scoundrel amendment" just took the wind out of our sails. For those who don't know, there was a time when Copenhagen was the riot-capital of Scandinavia. Back when Ungdomshuset (the Youth House) was

sold off to religious fanatics and raided by the police

, it sparked all sorts of riots that went on for months. The way it usually went down was people would gather to march, but before they started moving the police would close them in and hold them there until something short-circuited. Then the rocks and the teargas and the urban warfare and so on. Whenever I didn't run off in panic from situations like these, I would always end up watching the cops rough up a bunch of teenage girls while the hardcore rioters beat feet for home.

Here's a pretty good video of a girl getting wailed on from a few months ago

. Anyways, all that was before the scoundrel amendment. Rather than read you the Riot Act in full, I'll just give you two of my favorite little sections from it. It is now legal in Denmark for you to be arrested on sight and held for 12 hours without any cause or explanation--they call that an "administrative arrest." Also, if a protest goes bad, any person present can be sentenced to up 40 days in jail for taking part. So this weekend, when 100,000 people started marching through the city and a few small groups started acting up, what do you think went through the cops' minds? If you guessed "Fuck it, let's just grab as many as we can and line them up," you are the winner. Police arrested 968 people on Saturday, all but three of whom were released and cleared of charges by Monday.

Photo from

Politiken. So that was about the extent of the excitement at COP15 this weekend. Oh wait, there was also a gunshot on Sunday when a similar ruckus broke out with protesters, but it just turned out to be an off-duty cop who shot himself through the hand while attempting to unholster his pistol. Oh Danish police officers, you so crazy. HENRIK SALTZSTEIN