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Mel B: "I like Lip Sync Battle UK, it's fun"
Professor Green: "I, also, like Lip Sync Battle UK. I share the sentiment that it is fun."
Mel B [ really northernly]: "Shane Ritchie was really good, wasn't he?"
Professor Green: "He was really good. We were surprised."
Mel B: [ Plays a song really, really loudly on Spotify via her dressing room TV]
Anyway, they both liked the VICE News documentary about ISIS and promised to watch the one about grime in Blackpool. We do not mention my articles. The ensuing Nando's is absolutely banging.Professor Green: "It's good."
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Q. Why did you decide to come?
Because I'm into music quite a lot. I had no idea which celebrities were coming but obviously now I know. I'm kind of gutted that I didn't come to last week's one, for Peter Andre. But me and my family watch it so I thought I'd give it a bash and see what it's like.
Q. Have you never seen TV actually get made?
No.
Q. Looking forward to it?
Yeah.
Q. Who do you want to win out of Fogle and Price?
And then an older couple, a little bit up the queue, whose names I didn't even ask, according to this transcript. Fuck alone knows where my head was at on this day:Fogle, of course.
So is it your first show?
First Lip Sync, yeah.
Have you seen other live studio things?
Yeah, I've been to loads. I've been to Alan Carr's stuff, mainly at the ITV studios. Chat show stuff.
Cool. So you don't mind the queuing?
No, you've got to get used to it.
You've got a system down.
Yeah. Get here early.
Are you a bit gutted that you're second in the queue, and not first?
Still no closer to figuring this one out, guys.Yes.
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Why are you here?
THE DAD OR AT LEAST DAD-FIGURE: We go to loads of different shows, this is just the latest one we've come to see.
Are you on a newsletter or something?
Yes.
So how often do you come down to one?
Once every five weeks?
And what's the appeal?
I am a rapport machine. I am building rapport.We just like seeing shows.
Is this a show you watch regularly? Did you watch the first series a lot?
Yeah.
Did you queue up a lot to get in here?
SON OR AT LEAST THE SON-FIGURE: We got here relatively early, a bit early.
Were you the guys who were the queuing professionals I saw with blankets and flasks?
EVERYONE, KEENLY: No.
And then I meet him. A shining beacon of pre-show banter. Michael Jackson. Michael actual Jackson.They were showing the rest of the queue up, everyone else was amateur hour. Those guys knew how to queue.
MICHAEL JACKSON: I'm Michael Jackson!
I'm sorry, I really should have known that.
I ask Michael Jackson and his friend, Kevin, why they are spending a Tuesday watching Katie Price pretend to sing at Ben Fogle.MICHAEL JACKSON: You're talking to Michael Jackson.
So what brings you here?
MICHAEL JACKSON, POINTING TO KEVIN: He does. It gets me out of the house. My wife just had a baby and I have four kids, so I don't get out often. When things like this come up, I say, 'Do you mind if I go out for a few hours and come back?'
So this is your lad time?
I've been trying to get him out for the last few months. I've been to Davina McCall's 'This Time Last Year'. That was really interesting.
Is that a chat show?
The one where you have to transform. It was really good. The final was good; it was really good. But yeah, this is the first time I've been this side of the room. I came all the way from Twickenham.
So you really made a pilgrimage down.
Yeah. I thought this would be quite a good laugh.
We've seen the rehearsals of this – they're way funnier than I was expecting.
I like watching it on TV so I thought it would be quite funny.
There's something so disconcerting about seeing them doing it while you can't hear, though. On TV, you're like, 'They're near enough the mark, so that's pretty impressive,' but when you see it for real it's so weird. It's so weird what Ben Fogle is doing. I had a bit of a freak out watching it. So you come to quite a few, is this the first one for you?
Kevin doesn't like me as much.KEVIN: Yeah.
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Is that not the most Ben Fogle thing you've ever heard Ben Fogle say? Isn't that the Ben Fogliest thing in the world? No: this next thing is, overheard in the green room a few minutes later, when Katie Price had convinced Ben Fogle to stay for one drink, and Katie Price strides in in those leather trousers and a pair of green-and-gold wellies, roaring "I WANT TO PICK YOUR BRAINS ABOUT SHEEP," and there, rising just above the hubbub a little later, I hear Ben Fogle saying this, the most Ben Fogle thing ever said in the world, the most Ben Fogle thing there is:"Oh, I'm a fan of Dizzee. I was actually in Spain, recently, getting my para-motor license, so I listened to it a lot then."
Lip Sync Battle UK starts on Channel 5 this Friday.@joelgolby"Of course, I've written a book about Labradors"