Gay for Occupy - We Tend to Forget How Much We Love Sperm

Do you recognise the guy above? His name is Vlad Stoian, he runs the music blog Warmer Climes, and he was previously celebrated on the pages of VICE in an article entitled "The Loneliness of the Gay Romanian Chillwave Fan". Now, of course, the chillwave torch has been doused, and just before Christmas I began to wonder and worry about Vlad. Would his life in Videle, a small town on the outskirts of Bucharest, be better or worse for the world's newfound disinterest in the chillwave microgenre?

Then it hit me – maybe Vlad still hates Videle as much as he always has done, but could he not fill the chillwave-shaped hole in his life (as well as the penis- and fun-shaped ones) by getting behind the Occupy movement? I emailed him some pictures of 99 percenters taken by VICE photographers, and asked Vlad to talk dirty about them. The two and a half thousand-word article he sent back was called "WE TEND TO FORGET HOW MUCH WE LOVE SPERM". This is the first instalment of that. - KK

WE TEND TO FORGET HOW MUCH WE LOVE SPERM, BY VLAD STOIAN: PART ONE

Yeah, Black Friday. Yeah, fucking America. Yeah, fight for nothing endlessly. The thing I envy most in people is the ease with which they talk about travelling outside their country. I hate rich people. I hate undeclared wars. I hate rage that finds you unprepared. These days are fucked, dude. There’s no fucking smart and brand new key to resolve our depressing secret problems. I don’t believe in going out and demonstrating anything. I’m into neoviolence, the kind of neoviolence that The Tough Alliance once sang about. Fight them without touching them. Don’t scream your needs any more. Not even when you’re poor as fuck and your life is crashing away. They are simply not interested in your spectacle. They will never be.

And when I’m surfing pics from this “comedy TV show” OCCUPY thing now internationally evolving into whatever… I can’t stop my thoughts returning to one aspect that I adore: hot guys and how much I’d love to taste their sperm. I must mention I'm a bottom. I'm into sucking cock, eating sperm and being fucked. Be my king. I think I can ratify how truly commited to FREEDOM you are by tasting your sperm, if you’re a hot dude of course! Only your sperm can taste like freedom.

Let’s take a look at some dirty revolting mother/ fatherfuckers that I’d kill to lick and suck.

(Taken from "Who's Still Occupying Wall Street?", by Harry Cheadle)

This bitch is incredibly ugly. That nasty nose and those terrible eyes. Ugh! I’d kinda be tempted to develop a relationship with that cameraman’s fingers, though. Fuck me! His hands and those smooth and tender arm veins that you can barely distinguish… Feels like hard sex to me. Oh, and my sweet dude in the back… He’s messaging me, promising a huge load of warm milk later tonight. Who the fuck cares about how poor we will always be! 2012 is so close. Go home, birdie! There’s no reason for you to be there spamming my hot-dude-with-an-iPhone view with your horrible pointless political-wannabe presence.

(Taken from "We Went Nuts at Occupy London's Bank of Ideas", by Joshua Haddow and Henry Langston)

What do we have here? From left to right: Joanna Newsom's twin sister. She looks bored. I guess that's the thing with twin sisters. You start to feel like you’re extremely special and there’s nobody in the World that deserves attention like you do. Oh, you’re so fucking adorable. And nobody cares, cause there’s always that bastard, shitty, pathetic copy of you right next to you. She should watch new episodes of American Dad rather than wait for a miracle, dressed in a police coat.

Right next to her, is this dude who's good friends with Devendra Banhart. I hate his skin and I’d never blow this type of enemy of fresh showers.

Oh my God… And here it is… The splendour that makes miraculous this fucked up, lazy picture… This guy should be named 'Victor Andreas'. Dunno exactly why, but it gives me such masculine vibes to look at him. I hate effeminate guys with feminine gestures and acting hysterical. I’ve been always obsessed with masculine, tough, straight-looking gays. Or even bisexuals and straight-for-real dudes. I’d kill any time to smell and lick their masculinity. Masculinity is a miracle. And to me, sperm is sacred. It's like the strongest, hugest, most fantastical, charmingest proof that life is magical. Man… This dude is so fucking simply pure… Look at him… My dear, kind Victor… The crazy uninterested-in-being-a-fashionista hair, his wild lips, those warm, tender blue eyes, those blonde lines in his hair… Dude, and he's a little bear with a hairy chest, too! Fuck me! Jizz me right now, my master! I can see triumph in his eyes… This dude eats bananas and kiwis and pineapple juice and his cum tastes like honey. And only honey survives the future. I want to suck him like a slave for the rest of my lifetime. It’s like sucking on a victory, like clinging to it.

On the right-right… Just another indie bitch with a wrong sense of fashion and extremely retarded face. Fucking hide yourself, cow! I can’t even compare my Victor’s nose ring with hers… He’s brilliant and he’s the only one making this photo worth looking [at]. I want to watch American Horror Story with him and blow him between the lines. Victor, come home! You belong to me, baby! I’m single and fucking alone in here. Save me from myself, Occupy my heart, sweetheart! Let them fuck themselves…

(Taken from "Occupy Canal Street", by Taji Ameen)

He’s so unsexy and with the smallest cock on Earth. I luv his blonde beard. He doesn’t want to fight and he’s a virgin. I’d luv, just for fun, to lick his A-hole. He makes me feel like punk is tired. I can’t suck small dicks. Sorry, Esteban.

More of this next week then, I guess.

http://warmer-climes.blogspot.com/